By Kenneth Play
What is this 45-degree angle thing, and why is it a rule?
Generally, anything inserted in the butt—whether fingers, a toy, or a penis— feels better when angled upward towards the belly button at a 45-ish-degree angle. This 45-degree angle rule was popularized by Gigi Engle, an amazing sex educator colleague of mine, author of All the F*cking Mistakes.1Gigi Engle, All the F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life (New York: St. Martin’s Press, 2020). https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250189738/allthefckingmistakes
This insertion angle makes it so that pressure is applied to the G-spot, clitoral bulbs, or A-spot and cervix, depending on how deep you go. By doing this, you create stimulation of the vagus, hypogastric, and pelvic nerves all at once. (Which is good. Very good.) You’re stimulating the same nerves / pleasure spots as when you stimulate her vaginally, but from a different insertion point. In other words, you’re actually making the same bell ring, but from the back door button. Since the whole anal region is lined with nerve endings that aren’t accessible vaginally, it gives the receiver a subjectively different pleasure experience than vaginal sex. Anal feels different!
The angle is not a hard and fast rule (don’t bust out a level or anything), since all bodies are wired a little differently, but 45 degrees is an excellent starting point for anal exploration.
Women experience internal pleasure in different spots because each woman has unique pleasure wiring – her most pleasurable spots depend on the location and layout of her nerves. This is true whether you enter through the front door or the back door. When you get a cluster of pleasure nerves together in one region, that’s what we call a spot (aka an erogenous zone).
Think of it like a doorbell – when you ring it, it will go ding-dong in her brain and turn her on. But just like a doorbell, it might be placed in a slightly different spot by the entrance, depending on the house. You have to find the right spot to ring her bell, because just 2mm left, right, up or down can be the difference between OW and WOW.
Like I said, it might not be exactly 45 degrees for every person; you might need to experiment with angles around that range. This is a game of calibration. (You can find the keys to effective calibration in my How to Squirt article.) But when you hit the right spot, it will feel wildly different to her, potentially even more pleasurable than she ever imagined.
FAQ:
What is the 45-degree angle rule, and why does it matter?
Angle anything inserted into the anus—whether it’s a finger, toy, or penis—upward toward the belly button at roughly a 45-degree angle. This stimulates key pleasure spots, like the G-spot, clitoral bulbs, or A-spot, through indirect pressure.
Is the 45-degree angle necessary for everyone?
Not exactly! It’s a starting point for exploration, but everyone’s body is wired differently. Some might find pleasure at slightly different angles. The key is to experiment with your partner, adjust based on feedback, and focus on what feels good for them. Think of it as a game of calibration.
How can I figure out the right angle for my partner?
Start with your fingers! Fingers give you better spatial awareness and control, helping you map out your partner’s pleasure zones before moving on to other forms of penetration. Try the “come hither” motion while keeping your fingers angled upwards, and ask your partner simple directional questions to find that perfect spot.
Can I use this technique during sex positions?
Yes! Positions like modified doggy-style, spooning, and modified missionary make it easier to find and maintain that 45-degree angle during penetration. These positions align your bodies better with the natural curve of the rectum, leading to more pleasurable sensations.
How can I make anal more comfortable and pleasurable for my partner?
Communication and relaxation are key. Always go slow, start with plenty of lube, and encourage your partner to bear down slightly while you insert a finger. Let her control the pace and angle when you transition to penetrative sex. When she feels in control, she’ll be more relaxed and receptive to the experience.
Finger First, Dick Second
It’s difficult to find her version of the 45 degree angle for the first time with your cock! It’s much easier to map her pleasure spots with your fingers first. Your cock just doesn’t have the same kind of spatial awareness. Let your fingers map the terrain of her back door, figure out where the doorbell is, and then it’s much easier to use your cock to ring her bell.
You could even begin with some vaginal exploration, to see if anal stimulation might be pleasurable to her. Insert your finger into her pussy with your palm facing down towards the little space under her cervix – which we call the P-spot (the posterior fornix). Then apply downward, sweeping pressure towards her lower back, like a pendulum or an upside-down windshield wiper. If she likes the sensation, there’s a good chance she might love anal.
For a deep-dive into fingering, including pro tips, anatomy, and my signature move, check out my Advanced Fingering Techniques article.
Always tell your partner what you’re about to do so she’s not surprised by a finger sliding up her ass. Take a moment before each step to check in. Don’t persist through pain; if your partner tells you it feels painful or irritating, ask if she wants to stop and always be willing to pull back.
Have your partner bear down to push out while you slide your finger to one knuckle deep. See how your partner feels, and if she wants more, have her try to push your finger out a little again, to slide your finger in deeper. This is a cool trick I learned from the medical community. Read more in my Advanced Anal Guide. You never have to insert a finger or a toy all at once. If your partner wants, insert in small stages. Start small so there’s no struggle for your partner the first time she feels new sensations in her anus.
Once you have a finger or two all the way inside her, instead of sliding in and out, keep your finger(s) inserted and use the come hither motion to apply pressure upward. If it’s feeling good, do some calibration to find her 45-degree angle. Ask simple, directional questions: Higher or lower? Left or right? Towards your belly button or towards your butt? Remember: an adjustment of 2mm can be the difference between ow and wow!
When you find her doorbell, keep ringing it using the come hither motion towards her belly button. Ding dong ding dong!
This is just like my signature move for advanced vaginal fingering – which you can see in action in my FREE SQUIRTING TUTORIAL.
What what? Let her put it in her butt butt.
If you want to have great anal sex, she’s got to feel relaxed. One key to cultivating a relaxing atmosphere is to let her know that she is unequivocally in control from the get go.
When do you get carsick? If you’re anything like me, it’s when you’re riding in the backseat or passenger seat. Not when you’re driving. When driving, you anticipate how your movements (like how far you press the gas pedal and the angle you turn the wheel when you take a speed bump) will affect the car, and how that will feel in your body. As the driver, you’re in control and you don’t tend to get surprised that often, so you don’t tense up. Apply this to anal. Let her put the key in the ignition!
PRO TIP:
For first time anal entry, have her put your cock in rather than you trying to put it in. It may seem simple, but this is an absolute game-changer. It enables her to control the pace and angle of entry, which can go a long way towards relaxing into a receptive mode. Conversely, if the first time you put your cock in her ass is painful, you might not be able to come back from that. (We get into this and lots of other best practices for anal sex in my explicit video course Beyond Satisfied Pro.)
If you explore with fingers first, and have discovered the most pleasurable angle together, she’ll have more familiarity with the sensation, so she’ll be able to direct your cock towards her 45-degree angle as she’s putting it inside her.
Sex Positions Optimized for the 45-Degree Angle
The rectum isn’t a straight tube; it’s more like an S-curve. When you find the 45-degree angle that works for her, your cock is more aligned with that S-curve, reducing discomfort or pain. It’s ergonomic!
The Matterhorn
This is a version of doggy-style in which her torso is more erect. (Supposedly the shape looks like the Matterhorn mountain in the Swiss Alps.)
She could prop her forearms up on a couch with her knees on a pillow on the floor. Or you could pile up some memory foam pillows on the bed (four or five to make a tall stack) or use sex furniture like wedges that she can lean her forearms on.
Since her upper body is more vertical, when you enter her, your cock will naturally be aiming towards her belly button at around a 45-degree angle.
Bonus: since your arms are free and her clit is unobstructed, you have full access to stroke it while penetrating her.
Spooning
This cozy sex position is optimal for exploring the 45-degree angle since, just like the Matterhorn, you are both facing in the same direction with your torsos parallel.
Also like the Matterhorn, you can easily give her a reach-around with your top arm and play with her clit.
Modified Missionary
Raise her hips on a few pillows or a wedge. When she is on her back with her hips raised and her knees pulled up toward her chest and spread wide (like the Happy Baby position in yoga), you position yourself on your knees. Use your hands on the bed, her shoulders, or the backs of her thighs. You can adjust the height of the pillows – and, depending on her flexibility, how far her knees go back – to find that 45-degree sweet spot.
PRO TIP:
Try the nJoy pure wand, one of my favorite dildos to hit that angle. It’s made of stainless steel, so put it in a bowl of warm water first to bring it to a cozy temperature. One of the great things about the nJoy pure wand is that one end is about the size of a large marble and the other about the size of a small golf ball. You can begin with the smaller side for a newbie butt, and use it to find that 45-degree angle. The nJoy is curved, making it perfectly designed to mimic the come hither motion. The secret is in the rocking motion. Master it by reading the section on The Big Splash technique in this article.
Advanced Anal Fingering Techniques
I want to share with you backdoor techniques you’ve probably never heard of but that will most likely blow your lover’s mind.
Warning: these are not basic bro techniques. Before you try them, make sure you have a certain level of mastery over the techniques in my How to Squirt article, a good understanding of anatomy, and a solid level of comfort and communication with your partner.
The first trick is an extension of what I call my “signature move.” The principle is exactly the same, but instead of inserting your fingers into the vagina, you insert your fingers into the anus. You’re aiming to stimulate all the nerves of the G-spot, vagina, and anus altogether. If you do this right, you can induce squirting because it will also stimulate the urethral sponge.
If your partner likes this so far and you feel she’d enjoy some more intense sensations, I have a move I jokingly call “release the Kraken.” To do this successfully, you’ll need a partner who is willing to fully trust and surrender to her own bodily functions, because this technique—and the pleasure and orgasm it produces— causes a lot of involuntary gaping and contractions anally and vaginally. When done correctly, it will cause her pelvic floor to push and pull in ways that are beyond her conscious control. If you’ve been holding a fart in all day, it’s bound to come out. I highly recommend an enema beforehand if you’re not into scat play or super comfortable with your own or your partner’s poop.
To do this, your partner should be in doggy style, and your fingers will be inserted as deeply as they can go. You should already be stimulating her, and she should be on the verge of cumming. A vibrator on the clit works well with this trick. When she’s about to cum, straighten your arm and move your hand up and down at a forty-five-degree angle as fast as you can. Speed and pressure are key. Done right, all the involuntary pelvic floor contractions this causes, from gaping to strong squeezes in, feel absolutely amazing, and the pleasure will radiate all the way through her body, via visceral nerve fibers. This also induces a deep feeling of surrender to both her own body and to the person facilitating the experience. For people that like kink play, this provides the same feeling of intense sensation and intense intimacy.
Final Thoughts
Remember, this isn’t just about finding the perfect angle—it’s about listening to her body and calibrating to her feedback. When you do that, you earn her anal trust. You’ll know the secret to ringing the back doorbell… which gets you invited back, time after time.
Sources
is an internationally-recognized sexpert focused on female pleasure, sexual performance, & rapid skill acquisition. Named the “World’s Greatest Sex Hacker” by GQ, his pleasure technique videos have been viewed over 16M times. He is the Author of "Beyond Satisfied," and his uncensored video course, designed to teach men how to please women, is endorsed by sex educators, therapists, and women worldwide.
