Sex guide: Learn how to build sexual tension and always get to third base

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As you may probably know by now, a vital step towards making sex more enjoyable is the build-up. Great build-up makes up for great sex, and paying enough attention to this element can have an impact on how deep you and your partner connect.

Now, the ways in which you can try to build sexual tension, although similar, need to be adjusted to the person you’re engaging with. For example, if you and your partner have been in a relationship for a long time, you might have to take a different approach than you would normally do with a new person.

Whichever the case, we got you covered. In this article, I’ll cover the entire topic, so by the time you finish reading, you’ll have a bit of expert knowledge to help you step your game up.

 

First things first: What is sexual tension exactly?

According to Dr Jess O’Reilly (resident sexologist at Astroglide), sexual tension is not just a precursor of pleasure – it’s a pleasure in and of itself. From a scientific point of view, that’s a true and very accurate statement. Studies show that our brains release significant amounts of dopamine in anticipation of a reward.

Uncertainty can also be a useful tool that you can leverage to tease your partner and offer them that intense dopamine rush. Following scientific research, when the anticipation is mixed with unpredictability, dopamine levels can go twice as high. As you get to know your partner’s limits, you can then play with their desire. But that’s a topic for another day.

Understanding the signs of attraction

Whether you’re in a relationship or looking to create sexual tension between you and a person you just met, there’s one vital element in making this happen: attraction. Picture attraction as the foundation on which you’ll start to build sexual tension. Learn to identify the signs and use them as you get to third base

Here are five signs of sexual attraction:

Intense and prolonged eye contact

Our bodies have physiological responses to stimuli like attraction and sexual excitement. Although people can be self-conscious enough to try and hide certain body language signs that might give them away, the dilatation of the pupils is something almost impossible to control.

Deep gazes are, in most cases, an obvious sign of attraction. Typically, prolonged eye contact might feel awkward, and people usually tend to break the gaze and look away. However, if the person you’re with maintains intense eye contact with you, they probably use this as a channel to communicate their feelings.

Looking for physical contact 

Physical touch can surely be a love language. If the person you’re with is constantly looking for new opportunities to touch you as you interact with each other, that’s most likely a sign of attraction. They’ll always try to get closer to you, often unconsciously and most likely in ways that don’t seem sexual. They might reach to touch your hand or hit you in a playful way when you joke or make them laugh. 

However, people have different personalities, and signs can be easily misinterpreted. Make sure you’re as certain as you can be before you proceed to make a move in order to avoid any awkward situations. Often, having an open conversation with the person you’re flirting with is the key to clarify the situation.

Constantly trying to read you

A person that’s attracted to you will usually try to understand you and read your behavior. They try to interpret your words or actions so they’ll know how to act. 

When you’re truly attracted to someone, you most likely want to sell whatever they’re buying. In order to do that, you must get to know what that person is into, what are their interests, dreams, hopes or fears. This will help them build a bond with you, so there’s always a new question coming up.

Nevertheless, not everybody is an extrovert, and some people might struggle with communication.

Mirroring your behavior 

Mirroring is usually a subconscious occurrence that helps create a feeling of comfort and attraction. Naturally, we’re attracted to people that are like us, and we tend to replicate their behavior without even realizing it. It could be the way you lay back at the same time, the way you hold your drink or the more common synchronized smile. 

If you’re in a long term relationship mirroring isn’t as much of an attraction sign as it is a reflection of your connection with each other. In long term partnerships, this happens naturally but still at a subconscious level.

Open body language

Body language is a complex way of non-verbal communication. By knowing how to read it right, you can get precise information about whether the person you’re talking to is attracted to you or not.

They could be fiddling with random objects in their reach, licking their lips or trying to limit interruptions or distractions when you’re engaging in conversation. In most cases, when someone’s attracted to you, they try to lean closer to you instinctively, as we naturally have an impulse to get closer to the objects of affection. 

Whenever you interact with someone that’s really into you, you might also notice the sneaky little gestures they might do to enhance their appearance.

build sexual tension

Four steps to help you build sexual tension

I think we can all agree that love language is as complex as it is beautiful. Now that you know how to identify attraction, we have something to work with. Let’s dive deeper into the topic and discover new ways in which you can leverage the existing attraction to develop sexual tension and successfully get to third base. I’ve broken these down into four simple steps.

Step One: Pay attention

Be on the lookout for signs, and make sure you let them notice you’re aware of them. Make sure you let your partner know you understand what’s happening. You could do that by responding to their signals whenever they appear. This is an important step since the person might lose interest if they think the feeling is only flowing one way. As soon as you establish this is a mutual feeling, the game begins.

Step Two: Keep flirting

Based on your circumstances, adjust the intensity of your flirt game. Show them you’re intrigued and excited by the situation by gazing into their eyes. Make sure you don’t stare, though and keep your act as natural as possible. After all, sex and connection are natural things. Give them half a smile like you’re still trying to figure them out. This will make the other person feel attractive and give them the confidence to keep going.

Step Three: Don’t stress

As much as you want this to happen, try not to stress over it too much. I know anxiety is hard to deal with, so here’s a little tip: keep your focus on enjoyment. You already know you both want it, and you already know where this is going. You’re in control, so just step back and enjoy the game.

Worrying about all the things that can go wrong will only disrupt your focus and turn a beautiful experience into something bad. Once you learn to let go and live in the moment, you’ll become the best version of yourself. And that’s exactly what you wanna be there and then.

Step Four: Take Action

When you feel like there’s been enough build-up and both of you are expressing your intentions clear, it’s just about time to take action.

With this step, there is no defined or universal recipe for success. Your actions in this stage should be designed around your personality and specific circumstances. And frankly, trying to apply a fixed formula will most likely not yield the best results. 

Sometimes, if you don’t know what to do, the best action you can take is to be direct in your conversation. You can tell her how much you’ve been thinking about this moment and how glad you are it’s finally happening. Get closer and watch her lean towards you. Stop for a second and watch her tremble, waiting for your lips to touch. This will give you one last moment of tension before you get to third base. All the time you’ve spent working to build sexual tension is about to be rewarded.

From then on, it’s your time to shine. In case you’re unsure of what to do in order to give her the most pleasurable experience, do not despair. I got you covered.
Click here to learn more on how to take your sex game to a whole new level.

Additional note: Sexual tension is not always a positive thing

We’re only human. It’s perfectly normal that you cannot have full control over who you feel attracted to. You can feel sexual chemistry with another person even if one of you are already committed. It’s important that you don’t let sexual impulses influence your decision-making system. 

I know it’s easier said than done when you’re fighting against one of your most basic instincts. Make sure you take your time to detach yourself and be able to think clearly before you make any decisions. 

Plenty of people around the world also deal with negative sexual tension. It can often be fueled by insecurities, performance anxiety or feelings of anger and shame caused by traumatic experiences.

It’s important to try and identify the source of these problems in order to be able to make the most of your sex life. Most psychological sex-related issues can be solved through therapy, so we encourage you to seek professional advice when needed.

If you read my story, you probably know that performance anxiety and insecurities are something I’ve dealt with in the past. Now, I’m using all the skills I had acquired along my sexual journey to help people overcome their problems in the most efficient way possible: by learning skills that develop long-lasting self-confidence.

I’ve put together a course that encapsulates all you need to know to keep her beyond satisfied. Learn to experience mind-blowing connections and take your sex life to a whole new dimension.

Click here to view course details. 

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