Zumio the Perfect Pleasure Mapping Tool
While it’s good to understand the commonalities of female physiology and master some basic techniques, there comes a time in your journey as a lover when you begin to realize just how different each woman is from the next. Not only do vulvas vary in their shape, but the way that each woman experiences sensations can be radically different. Levels of sensitivity vary, as well as the most pleasurable spots on each woman’s clitoris, vulva, and vagina (1).
The reasons for this aren’t a mystery. Not only do we each have a different brain that processes sensation differently, but the actual nerve density in different locations in the genitals varies as much as fourteen times from one woman to the next (2). You can imagine the ends of nerves as tree branches. Each person’s branches will have different density in different locations, as well as slightly different branching. Certain areas, like the clitoris and the head of the penis, are sensitive on nearly everyone, but within these sensitive areas, we each have particular preferences on the most pleasurable kind of touch, due to this variation in genital neuroanatomy (3).
Understanding the way people vary is key to being a good lover. I first started to understand this concept deeply when I worked as a personal trainer. First, I studied anatomy diagrams in medical journals to understand what the body looks like and how it moves. It wasn’t until I started to work with real-life people that I realized everyone’s body is unique; none of them exactly matched the diagrams I’d been studying. Some people have shorter arms, some have longer legs, some are built like powerlifters and some are built like marathon runners. Someone with a barrel chest and short arms will have a mechanical advantage on the bench press, while someone built like Michael Phelps is built perfectly for swimming, with a long torso, long arms, and short legs. Every body has its unique shape and what it is best suited to do. As a personal trainer, I learned to look at each individual in front of me and adapt what I’d learned to what I saw in their bodies, their movements, and their responses.
How does this work when it comes to the clitoris? Well, some women want touch directly on the head of their clit; some women want to be stroked over the hood; some women prefer sensation a little to the left, and others like it a little to the right. We each have different sensitivities based on our unique neural layouts. The goal of a great lover, then, is not just to try different techniques, but to pay attention to how our partners are responding to each sensation.
One of the best ways to start with learning about a woman’s body is for her to learn about her own! My favorite tool on the market for this purpose is the award-winning Zumio. This sex toy has a tiny head that rotate instead of vibrates, which is perfect for figuring out the precise location of her favorite spots. It delivers all the power of a Hitachi magic wand in a head the size of a grain of rice. As The New York Times put it, “This toy’s oscillating stem is the best thing we’ve found for focusing on the most sensitive parts of the vulva and clitoris.” In Part 2 of this blog, I’m going to tell you all the best hacks for using the zumio to pleasure your partner. But for the rest of this playbook we will focus on different ways to explore pleasure mapping solo. Helping her learn how to indulge in self-pleasure is a great gift for your partner. For instance, you could send her this blog and a Zumio for Christmas. This gift will definitely keep on giving!
Use a handheld mirror to see exactly what you’re doing, and take mental notes of what works, so you can develop a mental map of where your most pleasurable zones lie.
One way to hold the zumio is to squeeze your thumb and your middle finger around it and place your index finger onto the intensity button, so you can easily adjust the setting.
You can also hold it like a hairbrush, gripping the stem, with your thumb on the intensity button.
The Perfect Tease
Laying the Zumio stem and head so that the entire stem and head is in contact with the outer lips (labia majora), and slowly move the Zumio around the outer lips, around and over the mons pubis and down the other side. See what feels good here.
Pro tip: Most new users go straight to the clit, which is usually too sensitive at this point without sufficient warm-up. Instead, tease yourself until you can’t take it anymore.
Explore the inner lips in the same manner. Maybe start on the edges where the inner and outer lips meet, and work your way in, using the same kinds of explorative motions to see where you enjoy touch the most.
Now starting with the tip about 1.5 inches lower than your clit, position the stem against the side of the clitoral hood, and slowly slide the tip up to find the right amount of intensity. The stem provides the least intense stimulation and it is a good way to introduce stimulation to the clit in a way that is gradual.
Tease The Shaft
Using the head, explore the shaft of your clitoris. This is the part that is underneath your clitoral hood that can be felt when the clitoris is erect.
Another smart feature of the Zumio is that if you press the head hard down towards your body, it will stop the rotation but continue to pulse. As you slowly lift it up, it will get more intense as it has space to move. So, in order to see how much intensity you like, press down and slowly lift up, stopping at your prefered level of sensation.
Pull Back the Hood
Reach down with your index and middle finger on either side of the clit and spread your fingers while pressing down, and then pull back. This will fully expose the clit.
Squeeze both outer and inner lips between your index and middle finger to make a lip sandwich, with the head of the Zumio running along your outer lip. The sensation will transfer from the outer lip all the way through to the clit. For more sensitive clits, this is a great hack.
You could also run the Zumio along the line between your finger and outer lip so that your finger absorbs some of the sensation from the Zumio. This is an even gentler version of the same technique.
Right on the Button
With your hood pulled back, you can press the stem directly onto the clitoris, and then move the toy upwards until the Zumio directly hits the clit.
Multiple Orgasm Hacks
Pro tip: Have one orgasm with the highest amount of intensity. Immediately after the orgasm, press the toy down until it stops rotating. As soon as you’re ready for another, lift the tip up slightly and get ready for the next back-to-back orgasm.
You can also move to the other side of the clit for the second orgasm, which often helps the second one come easier!
(1) Debby Herbenick, Tsung-Chieh Fu, Jennifer Arter, Stephanie A. Sanders & Brian Dodge (2018) Women’s Experiences With Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and Orgasm: Results From a U.S. Probability Sample of Women Ages 18 to 94, Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 44:2, 201-212, DOI: 10.1080/0092623X.2017.1346530
(2) Laurie Mintz, Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters—And How to Get It. New York: Harper One, 2017
(3) Naomi Woolf, Vagina. New York: Ecco, 2013