How To Eat Pussy Like A King

As famously written by Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First, “The tongue is mightier than the sword.”¹https://www.iankerner.com/books.php

I love eating pussy or, to give the act its official Latin name, cunnilingus. In fact, oral (plus fingering) is the most reliable way to give a woman an orgasm. Most straight people think of only PIV (penis in vagina) sex as real sex, and giving her head as just an appetizer before the main event. Here’s a very good reason to prioritize oral during a sex session: if she already came from oral, there’s much less pressure to perform in the fucking department! Plus you can worry less about lasting long enough for everyone to cum. It’s like orgasm insurance!

A study published in The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality found that just over half (53%) of women orgasm via oral sex.²Wood, J. R., McKay, A., Komarnicky, T., & Milhausen, R. R. (2016). Was it good for you too?: An analysis of gender differences in oral sex practices and pleasure ratings among heterosexual Canadian university students. The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, 25(1), 21–29. https://doi.org/10.3138/cjhs.251-a2 Contrast this with survey-based research published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy that found that only around 18% of women orgasmed via intercourse alone (with no clitoral stimulation).³Herbenick, D., Fu, T. C. (Jane), Arter, J., Sanders, S. A., & Dodge, B. (2017). Women’s Experiences With Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and Orgasm: Results From a U.S. Probability Sample of Women Ages 18 to 94. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 44(2), 201–212. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2017.1346530

That first study also demonstrated that women are twice as likely to give blow jobs, less likely to enjoy the act of giving it, and also less likely to enjoy receiving oral sex.

Clearly there’s something going on here and, from what I’ve seen and heard from my friends and partners, it seems as though people just don’t know what they’re doing.

Firstly, there’s the problem that most men don’t understand female anatomy. A 2019 YouGov survey revealed that around a third of male survey participants couldn’t identify the location of the clitoris, never mind less-known structures like the labium, vestibular bulbs, perineal raphe, or posterior fornix!⁴https://yougov.co.uk/health/articles/22596-half-brits-dont-know-where-vagina-and-its-not-just

Compounding the problem is porn. Porn’s never a substitute for sex education but it does a pretty bad job of showing what good pussy licking looks like. That’s because, for the most part, the mouth of the giver is pressed up tight against the vulva of the receiver. The upshot? Wannabe pussy eaters are lacking some serious tutelage!

That’s why in the Beyond Satisfied Pro course, my sexy (and delicious) demo model Sorcery and I were committed to breaking down all of the oral sex tips and tricks that will make you a legendary cunnilinguist. We shot over two days and produced five separate videos covering all the bases.

I’m going to use this post to go over a compilation of some of these concepts. Even if you choose not to level up and get the Beyond Satisfied Pro course, there’s enough information in the following post to bring up your oral sex game several notches and put a big, big smile on a babe’s face.

So let’s get into a step-by-step guide to how to be a pussy licking god and give her the best oral she’s ever had!

A quick word about smell and taste

The way someone tastes and smells varies quite a bit, not just from person to person, but from day to day. Pussy smells more of iron, for example, when your partner is about to get her period. You can develop your nose to detect subtle changes in her body. I recommend The Vagina Bible by Jen Gunter MD, for both women and men to get a better sense of what different scents mean, and which ones can be indicative of genuine problems, rather than normal fluctuations.⁵https://drjengunter.com/vagina-bible/

A good rule of thumb is to be willing to experience your partner’s smell and taste without expectation; just learn what her unique scent is like. If you like it, great. If you don’t, you don’t. You’re going to have to decide whether that’s something you can deal with or not. If you really don’t like the taste, you may want to consider using a flavored lube, though you may find that these can be on the sweet side and get pretty cloying.

If I’m worried about myself or my partner’s cleanliness and hygiene, I usually just hop in the shower and say something like, “I’m going to wash myself before you put your mouth on me.” Most people will naturally follow me in there. Use this handy hack and I suspect that your partner or partners will follow your lead too.

Knowing what’s up, down there

As I already mentioned above, a significant proportion of men are bumbling through their love lives without a working knowledge of female anatomy. That doesn’t bode well for their cunnilingusitics being held in high regard. For that reason, I’m not going to write a post about cunnilingus without first giving a very quick tutorial on the structures that comprise the female genitals.⁶https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK547703/

Vulva

The vulva is not, in fact, a Swedish car, but refers to the external part of the female genitals. When you hear people say vagina in common parlance, most of the time, what they really mean to say is vulva.

The pubic mound or mons pubis

Usually covered in hair, this is the fatty pad on top of the pubic bone. The pubic mound is there to cushion the pubic bone during intercourse. It also contains sebaceous glands that secrete pheromones which induces sexual attraction.

Labia

Below the pubic mound are the labia. Labia is another Latin word that means “lips,” and the vulva sports two pairs of them. These are the labia majora and the labia minora.

Labia majora

The labia majora are the outermost set of lips and are, surprisingly enough, also called the outer labia. They are generally fleshier and may or may not be covered in hair. It really all depends on your partner’s grooming preferences. While not as sensitive at the labia minora, your partner may respond favorably to having them rubbed and pulled apart. When people say “she’s got a fat pussy,” they probably mean that these lips are nice and puffy.

Labia minora

The labia minora are the inner set of lips (and also called, you guessed it, the inner labia). They are thinner and do not sport hair. The skin of the lips is thin, wet, and chock full of nerve endings, meaning that they’re likely to be much more sensitive. Fun fact: this is the same kind of skin that your ball sack is made of.

Clitoris

The clitoris is the most sensitive part of your partner’s anatomy and a key gateway to sexual pleasure. Formerly thought of as a pea-sized nub where the inner labia meet, the clitoris or clit is actually a much larger structure that is mostly internal. A piece of skin called the clitoral hood covers all or part of the head of the clitoris. If it helps, you can liken the head of the clitoris to the head or glans of the penis and the clitoral hood to the foreskin of the penis. Masturbation usually involves direct or indirect stimulation of the clitoris.

The urethral opening

Just below the clitoris is the urethral opening. This is where urine (pee) leaves the body. It’s also the opening from which women squirt. Squirting or female ejaculation is an expulsion of fluid from the urethra and/or the Skene’s glands during or before an orgasm. If you want to know alllll about squirting, check out my articles, Is Squirt Pee? and How to Squirt.

The vaginal opening

The vaginal opening (also called the vestibule) is between the urethral opening and perineum or “taint.” As the name suggests, this is the opening of the vagina.

The vagina

The vagina is a muscular canal that goes from the vulva to the cervix. Cervix means neck, as it’s the neck of the uterus. Most of the nerve endings are located in the third of the vagina nearest the opening. This is where penetration happens and where vaginal lubrication comes from.

G-spot

You can find the G spot, or Gräfenberg spot, between 1 and 3 inches inside the vagina, along its front wall. Like the clitoris, it’s a nerve-rich and highly sensitive structure that can sometimes swell when touched. G spot stimulation can lead to intense sexual arousal and orgasm for many people.

Now that we’ve got the basic geography out of the way, we can move on to some next level oral sex techniques!

Tease Before You Lick

Before we get into the techniques themselves, I want to reiterate that cunnilingus, like fingering and penetrative sex, isn’t something you rush into, unless that’s what your partner prefers and has requested. Generally speaking, top-tier pussy eating is going to be preceded by a requisite build up consisting of kissing, skin-on-skin contact, and the touching, caressing, and squeezing of erogenous zones.

One study published in the Human Andrology Journal found that non-genital erogenous zones were found in 95.3% of women.⁷Younis, I., Fattah, M., & Maamoun, M. (2016). Female hot spots. Human Andrology, 6(1), 20–26. https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/Female-hot-spots%3A-extragenital-erogenous-zones-Younis-Fattah/9abf981134c4cf0d269230fab6cba8d2a2e7be58 It listed the most powerful erogenous zones as the breasts, lips, neck, ears, and buttocks, in that order. The same study found that 12% of study participants could orgasm via the stimulation of these non-genital erogenous zones alone! That’s news you can use!

At any rate, don’t go shoving your face in there like you’re bobbing for apples … yet. Kiss between her navel and her public mound, kiss her inner thighs, nuzzle her labia (through her underwear should she not already have her pussy out, begging to be devoured).

Face Sitting/Face Fucking

It may seem like a counter-intuitive place to begin after the tease, but one way to get a partner warmed up is to have her sit on my face. Why? Because it means I’m no longer touching my partner for her pleasure; now she’s touching me for her pleasure, using my tongue as a tool to get herself off.

All her attention goes to the sensations in her clit and how she wants to move her body across my tongue and lips. Meanwhile, I don’t have to move: I can just lay there with my tongue out. As my partner moves on top of me, I learn a lot about what angle, pressure, and speed she likes as she pleasures herself.

On top of all of that, face fucking or face sitting helps my partner get into her body and feel the relationship between her own movement and pleasurable sensations; she shifts from passive receiver to active lover.

Encourage your partner to be active and move her hips back and forth or rotate her clit on your tongue. As for you, you can either stick your tongue out and lie it flat against your lower lip and chin so she can glide along it, or try a more complex technique.

In a move that I call “The Pfaus,” after Dr. Pfaus, you curl your tongue into a circle or u shape and she can glide her erect clit back and forth into it almost like a cock would go into a vagina.⁸https://scholar.google.ca/citations?user=JvSfYHAAAAAJ&hl=en Dr. Pfaus says this hack brings out the inner assertiveness of women on top, encouraging pelvic thrusting in women who might never have tried this before. In his words, “The immediate empowerment that comes with the immediate pleasure is often the spark of a revolution.”

For many women, flipping from a passive role to an active one is unfamiliar. This makes sense when you consider how men and women are conditioned differently for sex. From puberty, men grow up masturbating in active ways. We use our hands and our hips, and we’re used to moving our bodies to generate sensation until we come.

Women, on the other hand, are not only often shamed for masturbating, but many of them imagine the majority of their sex life will be spent lying on their backs being fucked. Add to that the cultural script that women aren’t supposed to touch their own clits during penetrative sex, and it’s easy to see how many women arrive at partnered sex with the idea that they’re not supposed to generate their own pleasure and sensation.

No wonder it seems men are able to come more easily than women—they’re generating their own sensation and responding to their own pleasure feedback loops. Because they’re taking an active role in their own pleasure, they can create the sensations they need for orgasm. They expect to come each time they have sex. Many women, on the other hand, are conditioned to passively accept the stimulation they get, and if their partner doesn’t know how to play their instrument, they expect to walk away disappointed instead of satisfied.

Face fucking subverts all of that nonsense. Encourage your partner to sit on your tongue and ride herself to orgasm. You’ll not only learn how she likes to grind and move her body, but you’ll help her take an active role in her own pleasure. You’ll also take something she may have been shamed for—humping and moving her body in a way that feels good—and making it sexy. It’s the equivalent of throat fucking for men, and we all know how good that feels.

When you’re ready to start oral sex, don’t go straight for the clit or the vaginal opening. Kiss her vulva all around to build anticipation and get your partner really turned on. Think of sex like a good movie: You’re waiting for the right moment, waiting for enough tension to build up, to kick into action.

Start with one long, flat, consistent stroke from the bottom of her vulva all the way up until your tongue touches her clit. Then, with your tongue still in contact with her vulva, reverse the direction and go all the way back down. Drag the moment out for dramatic effect.

I like to rub her clit with my fingers first before oral sex, so I have a good idea of what kinds of touch, friction, and pressure she likes. Just like you can use flat fingers for a broad sensation or one fingertip for a focused sensation, you can use your entire tongue or just the tip to stimulate your partner’s clit and other parts of her vulva.

You can continue giving your partner big, long licks with your whole tongue, sliding your tongue from the vaginal opening all the way up over the top of the clit, and back down. Keep continuous pressure and contact, like a violin bow sliding back and forth across the strings. The more surface area you create with your tongue, the more friction you can give your partner across a wider area of her vulva.

To give more precise sensation, use the tip of your tongue. Just like you would with your fingertip, you can use the tip of your tongue to flick across the clit head using side to side or up and down strokes, depending on what direction your partner likes best. With constant pressure, you can also trace circles with the tip of your tongue, sliding around the clit head and across the hood.

Training Your Tongue

The tongue is not a sex toy. It tends to get tired when you’re being precise, and it may take a bit of conditioning to get your tongue in shape for long oral sessions. The last thing you want is a tongue cramp when your partner is screaming “Don’t stop!” Think of it like a workout and give yourself breaks by going back to a flat tongue or using your fingers. Don’t forget about your lips: You can use them to keep providing sensation to your partner even if your tongue gets tired.

You can also wait until your partner is highly aroused to start using the tip of your tongue, so you’re able to give her focused sensation when it has the highest impact. Pay attention to all of the physical and verbal cues she gives you about her state of arousal.

Whether you’re already athletic with your mouth or barely scratching the potential in your tongue game, you can improve your endurance and dexterity with training. The more you eat pussy, the more those tongue muscles get trained!

Pleasure Sucker

To build your skills at sucking, pucker your lips to make a fish face, and practice sucking the tips of your fingers. Adjust the tension in your lips until you have a good amount of suction. You’ll be amazed at how hard you can suck. Essentially, you’re using your mouth to create a vacuum, and you can create different sensations by moving the vacuum around your partner’s clit and vulva.

Wrap your lips around your partner’s clit to create a good seal. Once you’ve created enough of a vacuum, you can vary the sensation by changing the amount of suction, creating a pulsing sensation. This is not very different from sucking on a nipple like you are trying to get milk out of it. Imagine you can suck something out of the clit. Suction toys are a big deal in the sex tech community, carving out a whole new niche of toys that are super popular. One of my favorites is Sila from Lelo, a sonic massager and suction toy in one. Suction is super effective, and some women prefer this sensation over vibration because it feels more natural.

You can also add stimulation with the tip of your tongue so that you can suck and lick at the same time. Try holding a good amount of suction and giving the clit fast licks with the tip of your tongue. In my experience, that’s the most orgasm-inducing move.

Use Your Head—and Your Whole Body

You don’t have to perform oral with your mouth alone. You can stick your tongue out flat and keep it still and use the texture of your tongue to give your partner stimulation while you move your head around. You can also pucker your lips to create a softer texture.

Shake your head side to side or nod up and down. Try different speeds and pressures to see what your partner likes. You can also combine the directions by moving your entire body while you also move your head: Nod your head up and down while you move your body side to side. Or she can move her hips instead!

You can create different experiences and sensations by trying different body positions. For example, when you’re eating out your partner while facing her between her legs, and you nod your head, you’re creating a specific pattern of pressure from six o’clock to twelve o’clock on the “clock face” of her clit. Rotate your body into a sixty-nine position, and keep nodding your head, and you’ve now got the same movement pattern reversed: you’re now giving your partner stimulation from twelve o’clock to six o’clock, going over her clit hood and head in the opposite direction. You get the same direction of sensation if your partner is bent over and you lick her from behind.

If your partner is flexible, try putting her in a position like bridge pose in yoga. Have her lay on her back with her knees bent and feet flat, and then ask her to roll her hips up toward the ceiling. She can hold her hips to support them, or you can prop her hips up with pillows. This position makes it easier for you to sit up so you can lick her, and it’s also super hot because your partner is vulnerable and exposed, and the pressure of her shoulders against the bed feels a little like bondage.

The point is to experiment. Play with different shapes and oral sex positions. Turn the puzzle pieces of your bodies, and you’ll find different access points for sensation.

Now that you’ve been blessed by the tongue gods, go lick some kitty and make her go meow-meow!

Sources

• 1
  https://www.iankerner.com/books.php ↩︎
• 2
  Wood, J. R., McKay, A., Komarnicky, T., & Milhausen, R. R. (2016). Was it good for you too?: An analysis of gender differences in oral sex practices and pleasure ratings among heterosexual Canadian university students. The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, 25(1), 21–29. https://doi.org/10.3138/cjhs.251-a2 ↩︎
• 3
  Herbenick, D., Fu, T. C. (Jane), Arter, J., Sanders, S. A., & Dodge, B. (2017). Women’s Experiences With Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and Orgasm: Results From a U.S. Probability Sample of Women Ages 18 to 94. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 44(2), 201–212. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2017.1346530 ↩︎
• 4
  https://yougov.co.uk/health/articles/22596-half-brits-dont-know-where-vagina-and-its-not-just ↩︎
• 5
  https://drjengunter.com/vagina-bible/ ↩︎
• 6
  https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK547703/ ↩︎
• 7
  Younis, I., Fattah, M., & Maamoun, M. (2016). Female hot spots. Human Andrology, 6(1), 20–26. https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/Female-hot-spots%3A-extragenital-erogenous-zones-Younis-Fattah/9abf981134c4cf0d269230fab6cba8d2a2e7be58 ↩︎
• 8
  https://scholar.google.ca/citations?user=JvSfYHAAAAAJ&hl=en ↩︎