Advanced fingering techniques

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I cover a lot of ground in the Sex Hacker Pro course. Something I don’t scrimp on is granular information about fingering. That’s because your fingers are the most effective, underrated tools for learning how your partner’s body responds to every different kind of sensation. Once you get to grips with what I’m about to share, you’ll be at the threshold of learning how to make your partner squirt or ejaculate. That’s something I also cover in great detail in the Sex Hacker Pro course. 

 

 When they are utilized to scope out the most nerve-rich and super sensitive areas of your partner’s body—specifically her vulva and vagina— all manner of information can be learned and then utilized to give her incredible sexual pleasure and mind-melting orgasms. 

 

This blog post is written with the assumption that you’ve already read our post on fingering basics. (If you haven’t, you can find it here.) The focus in this tutorial is on internal touch. We’ll be mainly focusing on stimulating structures within the vagina, not external touch, which covers how to pleasure the external genitalia or vulva (including but not limited to clitoral stimulation), which we covered previously. Also in that earlier post is a lot of information pertaining to the geography of the female genitals: what all the bits are called (the labia, clitoris, urethra, etc.) and where they can be found. 

 

So without further ado, let’s pick up where we left off: a requisite amount of foreplay has gotten your partner sufficiently aroused. She’s either producing plenty of lubrication and maybe you’re using some exogenous lube too. You have your finger or fingers in her vaginal opening and are stimulating her G-spot. You could be using any combination of your index finger, middle finger, or ring finger. You’ve encouraged your partner to let you know the depth, motion, and pressure she prefers at this moment and getting comfortable with the come-hither motion. 

 

Love in the Digital Era 

If you move your fingers with the right range of motion as you flex the back of your finger towards her anus, there is a moment when the G-spot separates from the pad of your finger. As you curl your finger up again, you will be pressing her G-spot back up towards her belly button. This is kind of like bouncing a ball on a paddleboard, and when you do this right, you get the satisfying feeling of a rhythmic bounce. You can actually feel the vaginal wall bouncing beneath your fingers, and the internal clitoris is right behind that wall bouncing along with it. 

 

This motion of the internal clit activates more nerve endings. This kind of stimulation may or may not feel more pleasurable to your partner; everyone is different, and the range of sensation that feels good is unique. If your partner likes the sensation, you can firm up your wrist and use your whole arm to help you move your fingers up and down inside her vagina.

 

As you do this, you should be calibrating to find her “pleasure sweet spot.” Each person has a different threshold at which their brain perks up to a given sensation in their body. This sensory threshold is the amount of stimulation it takes for a sensation to register in the brain. Each person has a range of sensations they respond to, from the minimum stimulation it takes to register a sensation to the maximum amount of stimulation they can take before it becomes painful. The pleasure sweet spot is usually somewhere between these extremes, and it varies depending on where they are in the arousal cycle. 

 

For some women, the cervix is a sensitive spot, and light, gentle touch gives the most pleasure—while for others, the cervix is less sensitive, and the pressure of being pounded by a big cock or dildo is what drives their brain wild. Some women experience pleasure from each of these types of sensations at different times, depending on how aroused they are.

 

The way to find her pleasure sweet spot is to start off slow, increase the pressure and speed until it feels like too much, and then decrease the sensation slightly. For most women, their pleasure sweet spot is just under “too much.” 

 

Additionally, many women have never really had enough G-spot stimulation to be able to feel much, so when they do experience it for the first time, it often feels foreign and like they have to pee. The tendency she will have in these cases is to clamp down, trying to squeeze your finger with her pussy, so she doesn’t pee on you, or she’ll try to control the sensation if it’s overwhelming. 

 

The solution is to coach her to relax and bear down on your fingers. If she doesn’t know how to bear down, tell her to try and push your finger out with her pussy, or use the same muscle she would if she was trying to pee faster. Slow down and decrease the pressure, and then slowly build back up while she focuses on relaxing.

 

Pro tip: A guiding idea when trying any of these motions is that you want to produce the most force with the least effort by recruiting larger muscle groups, leveraging joints and body position, so you don’t overtax smaller muscles to the point of exhaustion. My background in competitive swimming taught me if any movement does not propel you further faster, it’s wasted energy. Efficiency of movement is the key to mastery. One of my favorite teachers, Tim Ferriss, calls this the “minimum effective dose.” When you do this, you free up extra energy to accomplish your goals.

 

In addition to G-spot stimulation, you can explore deeper to see if your partner likes stimulation to the A-spot, P-spot, and cervix. 

 

Getting to Know the A-Spot, G-Spot, and P-Spot

 

The A-Spot

Reach your finger deeper in to find the A-spot, just in front of your partner’s cervix, closer to her belly button. You may need your partner to hold the backs of her knees toward her chest in order to get your fingers deep enough, so her pelvis curls toward her belly like it would in the fetal position. You’re trying to get her clit closer to her nose, so to speak. Try moving your finger in a circular motion with different amounts of pressure to see if your partner likes stimulation in the A-spot.

 

The P-Spot

The P-spot is behind the cervix toward the anus. Turn your hand palm down and use the pad of your finger to sweep half-moon shapes from one side to the other. If your partner likes sensation from her P-spot, chances are good she also likes anal stimulation. Both P-spot and anal play stimulate the same nerves from different sides of the vaginal wall.

 

The Cervix

You can also play with the cervix, making circles around the donut. With big circles, you can continue to stimulate the A-spot in front and the P-spot in the back. You can also make smaller circles on top of the donut, around the hole, with your fingers or a penis. You can also sweep the pad of your finger, the tip of your penis, or a dildo across the middle of the donut but be careful not to poke it or try to press your finger inside it—sharp stabs can cause cramps. Size queens who like to be pounded by big dicks may like a lot of cervical stimulation immediately. 

 

Others may need a lot of warm-up before stimulation to the cervix starts to feel good.

An advanced trick for women who like a lot of stimulation to their cervix is to reach your finger deep toward the A spot, with the pad of your finger pressing down on the cervix. Flick your finger to bounce the cervix up and down, almost like dribbling a basketball. 

 

The A-spot, P-spot, and cervix are not star players for most women, but they can be nice for added stimulation when you’re playing with the clit. These spots activate the hypogastric and vagus nerves, creating deep, radiating, visceral sensations. 

 

The position of the cervix in the vagina varies from woman to woman. Also, the cervix ascends and descends in the vaginal canal at different points in the menstrual cycle. Getting to know where your partner’s cervix sits in her vagina is important. If you’re super comfortable with a partner, I recommend getting a plastic speculum and a flashlight and checking it out! You can buy a kit to do a self-exam or examine your partner. You can also get a pretty good sense of the location and position of the cervix with just your fingers. It’s good to know what you’re working with and form a 3-D map of her anatomy.

 

Pro tip: If you and your partner want to try stimulation of deeper areas of the vagina around the cervix for the first time, have her rub her clit, so she gets reliable stimulation she likes as you try the new technique. Neurons that fire together wire together, so if your partner is warmed up and already experiencing pleasure, she’s more likely to find a new sensation pleasurable, too. At some point, when she’s warmed up, you can decrease stimulation on the clit and allow her to focus more exclusively on the new sensation. Once she gets more comfortable with this, you can try cervical or deep vaginal stimulation on its own and see if she can learn to relax into this new sensation. 

 

Because the cervix and deeper vagina are innervated by parasympathetic, visceral nerves, the pathway to enjoying the sensation is often one of deep relaxation rather than tension, and it takes some practice to figure out. Sometimes getting out of old arousal patterns can create opportunities to lay down these new, more relaxed pathways to pleasure. Which of these techniques will work better depends on your partner’s unique disposition.

 

Nail the Angle

When your partner masturbates, because her hands are connected to her shoulders (obviously), she can only touch herself from specific angles. For some women, trying to stimulate their own G-spot without a toy can be annoying, and even with a dildo, it can be difficult to hit the right angle. 

 

This is one reason partnered sex can be so much better than masturbation: You can position yourself in a variety of orientations, which means you can reach places and angles that your partner can’t. As you explore your partner’s clit, vulva, and vagina, note the angles that feel best to her. It’s usually easier to find the right angle if only one of you is making the adjustments. Both people trying at the same time tends to be confusing.

 

Your own body positioning is key. There’s no reason to work against yourself; position yourself to create the movement and angle you want with the least amount of effort. Pay attention to the angle of your wrist and position your body to make movement as easy as possible. In general, the more you can keep your wrist in a straight line, the easier most movements will be. For a more in-depth illustration of different biomechanical angles, check out my instructional videos at KennethPlay.com.

 

Narrow and Broad Stimulation

Once you’ve determined which spots feel good to your partner, you can start to determine the type of coverage that feels good to her. How precise does she like the stimulation on this spot to be? Does she want it to be broader? For instance, does she prefer a flat tongue covering more space, or just the very tip of the tongue, stimulating a very precise location? Does she prefer you to stimulate her clit with the entire palm of your hand or a fingertip?

 

Vibrators are designed with different types of stimulation in mind, from broad to narrow. Compare the Doxy vibrator, which has a big head to cover a broad space, with a Zumio vibrator, which is almost as fine as a pen tip. A Doxy gives lots of sensation across a wide surface area, while the Zumio can pinpoint specific nerve endings. Neither is better than the other; they’re both excellent for different purposes. You can use your hands in the same way by sweeping your fingers across a wider area or pinpointing a small motion with a fingertip. Broad stimulation tends to create sensations that are more diffuse and spread out, while narrow stimulation tends to create a more intense and focused sensation. This concept is beautifully covered in the OMG Yes course, in their module called “Broadening.” 

 

When your partner starts reacting with pleasure, keep doing the action that drives them wild. Don’t change the sensation too much. Shaking things up when they already feel good is equivalent to hitting one of the annoying pattern buttons on a vibrator—and hitting the reset button on her arousal. Just keep fucking doing what you’re doing.

 

Calibrate Pressure and Speed

After you’ve found the location and angle, it’s time to find the threshold of sensation that gives your partner the most pleasure. At this point, she’s already reacting to your touch—can you get her to react a little bit more? 

 

Play with giving your partner more or less pressure. An interesting feature about our complex network of nerve endings is that both light and strong pressure give higher (but different) sensations. You can see this effect by touching your finger to your lips: Skim your lips very lightly with your fingertip, and then try pressing really hard. Both types of touch have unique benefits.

 

I usually start off very light and work my way into more and more pressure, asking my partner if more feels good. It’s a great hack to give your partner a contrast of two types of touch—hard and soft in this case—and ask which they like better. In the heat of the moment, picking an option is faster and easier than asking them to try to describe what they want. Similarly, you can play with speed. Pick up the speed a little and see how she responds. Or give her a contrast—slow and fast—and ask which feels better. 

 

Once you have all these factors aligned—location, angle, pressure, and speed—and your partner is giving you positive feedback, keep riding the wave of your partner’s pleasure.

 

Timing and Endurance

It’s really frustrating to dial in exactly the right kind of touch and see your partner go wild in ecstasy, only to tire out just as she hits the peak of pleasure. You can get everything right and still be stymied by your lactic acid threshold. 

 

You build your endurance the more you do a specific action, but when fingering your partner, there are many small muscles that have to coordinate, and if any one of them runs out of fuel, you’ll have to stop and rest. 

 

One of the best ways to prevent exhaustion is to work out and train your muscles, so you can build your anaerobic threshold. That means doing high-intensity interval training and training in the 15 -20 rep range with less than a minute rest time for about five sets. You’re basically feeling the burn from the last couple of reps on your first set and just continue to feel the burn all the way through. 

Another way to prevent exhaustion is to switch hands quickly, so you can continue giving your partner the same stimulation while giving one hand a rest.

 

If your partner likes a fast, vigorous sensation, you may only be able to keep it up for thirty seconds to a minute. Keep those techniques as your secret weapons in reserve. Don’t bust them out when your partner is just getting warmed up. Wait until the moment when she’s fully aroused, and intense stimulation can have the most impact. 

 

You can also bring in sex toys as labor-saving devices. Your fingers may tire as you stimulate deep spots inside your partner’s vagina, but you can rock an nJoy Wand against her G-spot much more easily. You may not be able to flicker your hand over her clit for four whole minutes, but you can hold a vibrator on her vulva forever. Oh, and here’s a reminder to use lube. While the vagina self-lubricates, her juice may run out in a longer session. 

 

A fun fact here: vibrators were invented in the Victorian era when doctors’ hands were getting worn out from giving so many orgasms to their patients! (Orgasm were seen as the cure from a commonly diagnosed condition called “female hysteria.”) In my view, sex toys make me into a bionic man; they don’t replace me; they enhance my capabilities. I think men are just entering the stone age when it comes to sex—they’re finally starting to learn to use tools!

 

You may want to start with your hands to get a practical understanding of your partner’s body and her pleasure points first. When you add toys in after gaining knowledge first, the toys become an extension of you, and you’ll know exactly how to use them.

 

Pleasure Stacking

The orgasm doesn’t happen from a single type of stimulation alone; it’s a “sum of the parts.” Orgasm is a multisensory experience. One of the best things about using your hands to explore your partner’s body in manual sex is that you can discover new pleasures and combinations you (and she) may not have known before. 

 

While you’re using your hands to find the most sensitive spots and ways to dial in exactly the right kind of stimulation for your partner, you can also layer new sensations into her experience. Pleasure operates in a self-reinforcing loop: The more often your partner feels pleasure from a new sensation, the more pleasurable the sensation will become. You may start by combining clit stimulation (a star player) with G-spot stimulation (a rookie), and after a while, your partner might be able to come from G-spot stimulation alone. Remember, there are G-spot orgasms, clitoral orgasms, and a combination of the two that are known as blended orgasms. (There are cervical orgasms, too, but we’ll cover those in another post!) 

 

The easiest way to find new spots to include is with your hands. The sensitivity and dexterity of your fingers allow you to reach new places and get tactile data about how they feel. When you know your partner’s genitals like the back of your hand, it’s a game-changer.

 

Fucking your partner without using your hands is like trying to navigate the world with a flip phone. Where the fuck are you going? Spend time mastering the three by six or so inches of space in and around your partner’s vagina, and the increase in capability will be equivalent to getting a smartphone with maps and GPS.

 

Again, your fingers are literally the best bits of equipment you can use to take your sex life to the next level. So use them wisely!

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