Squirting, aka female ejaculation or gushing. I’d seen it in porn and, even though I didn’t know exactly what these girly geysers were composed of, how they were being brought forth, or if they were some new type of female orgasm, I was 100% certain of two things: that I found squirting extremely arousing and that I would love to be able to help my partners do it. At the time, that second thought was a little far-fetched. I was a virgin and, as such, destined to be bad at the basics of sex, let alone next-level sex acts like this.
Then I met a partner who did not only give me permission to have an amazing sex life but was my entry point into the sex party scene. I wasn’t on the scene long before I realized that there always seemed to be one or two guys in the room who were capable of making every woman squirt. What this told me was that this was knowledge that I could learn.
I immediately got into my learner’s mindset. I walked up to the men who were able to help their partners squirt, and I peppered them with questions. I asked the women who’d squirted what their experience was like and what worked and what didn’t. Some women described squirting as an extremely pleasurable experience and a part of the best sex they ever had. Another squirter told me thought of it more as a novel party trick. I began to imagine how cool it would be to show sexual partners that their bodies could do this awesome thing that would be, at a minimum, neat and possibly extremely pleasurable.
I sprang into action, reading everything I could get my hands on about what squirting was and how it happens. I’d bet that there’s no other human on the planet who did as much thinking, researching, and experimenting with squirting as I did. The net result of all that squirting education—and practice with willing partners—was that I began to get really good at it.
The real breakthrough came when I realized that my own actions were only half of the puzzle. Squirting depended on the relationship between my partner and me, and I learned how to coach my partners to optimize their experience. Pretty soon, I was one of those rare guys at sex parties that had cracked the code. Now people were asking me for tips as I’d done just a few months—and a lot of fluid—ago.
At one such event, a party organizer whom I knew asked if I would teach a squirting class. I’d been a personal trainer for many years by then, but I’d never taught a class in an educational setting and never with people who were naked. After some hesitation, I agreed.
Of all the couples who came to the class, some of them had tried different techniques to squirt, but they hadn’t worked. Some of the women had squirted before, but they didn’t know how to teach their partners how to help them make it happen.
I coached the couples through the techniques I’d learned, and they followed along in real-time. As we got to the final steps, the men’s arms started to work furiously, their partners relaxed and let go, and suddenly, the women began to squirt all around the room.
At that moment, I realized that hands-on sex education makes so much sense. When you’re learning to ride a bike or perform a new style of dance, you need to practice live. The same goes for sex. I’d trained thousands of people in fitness, and I knew that it was possible to change someone’s life with hands-on experience. I realized I could do the same thing with sex. This was the moment in which I realized that I had what it took to be a sex coach.
In the Sex Hacker Pro course, I break down everything that I’ve learned about squirting over the years in a way that people have found easy to replicate in the comfort of their own homes. If you and/or your partner have any interest in squirting, I’m confident that my module on the subject will get you where you want to go.
While there is a raging debate on what squirting is and isn’t, scientists have been able to clear up a few common misconceptions. No, the fluid that sprays out when your partner is squirting is not the same as pee. Nor is squirting directly connected to orgasm; some people experience orgasm while squirting, but it’s also possible to squirt without coming. It’s not a sexual function that everyone enjoys or needs to do. Let’s take a closer look at how it works.
What is Squirting (Is it pee?)
Where does all that liquid come from, and what exactly is it? Only a few small-scale studies have been done to look into this question, so the answer isn’t conclusive yet. But researchers have identified two types of liquids that come out when someone is squirting.
The first is a milky white substance, similar to the watery part of semen, that comes from the Skene’s glands. These glands surround the urethra and are similar to the analogous to the prostate in men because they develop from the same tissues in the embryo.
The Skene’s glands are inside the urethral sponge, but one study found that only 66.7 percent of women actually have them—there is a lot we have yet to discover. The actual function of the fluid produced by these glands may be to lubricate and protect the urethral opening. The glands are small, and the amount of fluid they produce is small, too—about the volume of a shot glass.
But if you’ve seen squirting in porn, you know it’s possible to squirt way more than a shot glass worth of liquid. Some people can fill up a Gatorade bottle. Larger amounts of spray come from the bladder and exit from the urethra. But squirting is still possible even when the bladder is emptied right before sex, and we think the bladder can fill up rapidly during arousal. This mechanism may relate to the same process whereby the genitals fill with blood during arousal.
So, while squirt may be mixed with pee if there’s some urine leftover in the bladder, chemical analysis has shown that the liquid that fills up the bladder isn’t pee. Squirt is a clear, odorless fluid that contains prostate-specific compounds and glucose, which isn’t present in urine.
The fluid from the bladder is mostly water, with some of the same milky substance from the Skene’s glands. One hypothesis is that while fluid from the Skene’s glands can drain out onto the vulva when the area around the urethra is stimulated, these glands can also drain out of the urethra the next time you pee, if not released during sex.
While many of us are accustomed to thinking that fluid ejaculating out of someone’s body is a sign of orgasm, it’s not a given with squirting. In my own observations, less than half of women squirt when they’re having an orgasm. It’s possible for the sensations of squirting to trigger an orgasm or for an orgasm to trigger squirting, but the two phenomena don’t always go together.
Squirting Opens the Floodgates in More Ways Than One
Squirting comes with unique sensations; some people like the feeling of squirting, and some people don’t. The experience of squirting for the first time can be very emotional because it’s a build-up followed by a loss of control that some people haven’t experienced before. From what I’ve observed with my partners, one out of eight or so women have an emotional release when they squirt for the first time.
In various schools of psychological thought, there are theories that our physical experiences help us process our emotional experiences. A new physical experience like squirting seems to unlock some of our partners’ connections between their physical and emotional experiences around sex.
A partner who I helped squirt for the first time told me a story afterward that moved me. She said that even as a young kid, she knew she was very sexual, and she built up a lot of hype around her first time having penetrative sex. When she lost her virginity, she remembered the sensation of her partner’s penis inside of her, feeling like she might have to pee.
Her instant reaction was, “Oh shit, I don’t want to pee on my partner.” She said she instantly felt shame and developed a response in her body: Her muscles clenched to hold back pee. Her reaction became subconscious after a while.
She said that when I stimulated her to help her squirt, it was the first time she let herself let go of all the tension she was holding. The release made her cry. I listened and held her for a while after our session.
Pro tip: When someone is having an emotion around sex, don’t make it about you. Your partner’s emotional response might be from their interaction with you on that particular day, but it might also be about their history or trauma. When a partner has an emotional response, what they’re feeling most likely comes from a range of stuff. If you start thinking it’s all about you, suddenly your partner has to deal with you instead of with her emotions. Give your partner time to process. Hold space for her, listen, and simply acknowledge her experience.
After my experience with this partner, I realized there were probably many women who held themselves back from certain sexual experiences because they were ashamed or afraid of letting go. Oddly enough, my journey of mastering squirting helped me understand how important it is to coach a partner on letting go.
This association between letting go emotionally and G-spot stimulation is not some sort of woo-woo notion. The nerves that connect to the G-spot run through the viscera of the body, where we experience emotions, and being able to fully feel sensations in the deeper parts of the vagina depends on your partner’s ability to allow herself to feel the emotions that come up in her body as well.
Ultimately, experiencing the depths of pleasure is dependent on experiencing deep feeling, period. I see my role in this as encouraging and allowing my partner to experience anything that comes up. It’s also very moving to hold space for this kind of experience.
Early on in learning to help partners squirt, I would get frustrated when I couldn’t “figure it out.”
My ego got involved, and as a result, sometimes, my partners were disappointed that their bodies didn’t perform. I quickly learned to let go of my attachment to the outcome with squirting. I never wanted my partner to feel like they were broken because squirting didn’t happen. Instead, I now use squirting as an opportunity to connect with my partner and help her let go, whether it ends in waterworks or not.
Involuntary Reflex versus Voluntary Control
From my own experience with over a thousand partners, I estimate that most women are able to squirt—maybe around ninety percent. That doesn’t mean every partner wants to, nor does it mean squirting is easy to do the first time. It requires your partner to have a degree of mastery over her own body.
When I made my educational video on squirting, I actually made a small mistake: I picked a co-teacher who has absolute control over her squirting response. In the video, I’m not struggling because my partner knows how to squirt voluntarily. We’re both confident we can show the viewer how it works, but with many partners, there’s a lot more trial and error to get just the right stimulation and just the right amount of muscle control.
If someone pokes the space between your eyes, you’ll automatically blink; that’s an automatic reflex. But you can also consciously control your reaction if you focus on not blinking when you’re poked. Similarly, squirting is an involuntary reflex that can be brought under conscious control.
One of the pelvic muscles, the bulbocavernosus, is a sphincter muscle, which is closed while in its resting state. When we become aroused, this muscle opens and relaxes. We bear down on this sphincter the same way we bear down when we need to release the anal sphincter.
This mechanism is brilliantly explained by Stacy Lindau MD, from womanlab.com, who says, “Bearing down is a conscious act that overcomes the normal, contracted, closed state of the anal sphincter. We bear down using a trick of physiology called a ‘valsalva’ maneuver to generate enough pressure from inside our body to overcome the pressure in the anal sphincter muscle.” This same process works when it comes to the bulbocavernosus muscle.
Another mechanism that prevents fluid from being released during sex is the swelling of the urethral sponge. The urethral sponge surrounds the urethra and swells up to prevent fluid from being released from the bladder during sex, but under pressure from the pelvic muscles pushing outward, fluid can still be released from the bladder. For squirting to occur, bearing down must happen strongly enough to bypass both the tonically closed state of the bulbocavernosus muscle as well as generate enough pressure to move liquid through the urethra while the urethral sponge is swollen around it.
G-spot stimulation of a certain variety can cause this bearing down reflex to happen involuntarily, and your partner can also learn to control the response of these muscles to tighten or relax them.
Some women just happen to naturally respond to sexual stimulation by bearing down, whereas others need to learn to do this maneuver. Voluntary squirting can happen when your partner is able to control these muscles to bear down and push the fluid out of her bladder. I played with two girls at a party once who were proud of their squirting ability and ran around the party squirting people in the mouth like they had a pair of water guns.
Some women experience involuntary BC contractions when they orgasm, and some people push out when they come. The ones that push out when they come tend to squirt each time they come, not because they’re doing it consciously, but because their body reacts to orgasm by bearing down. If you’ve ever slept with a partner whose body seemed to push your cock out when she orgasms, that’s this muscle at work.
The take-home idea here is that urethral and vaginal sphincter muscles have to open up in order for squirting to happen. This can occur for a variety of reasons: arousal, bearing down consciously, or bearing down involuntarily. If these muscles are closed because she isn’t aroused or isn’t sure how to let go, squirting isn’t likely to occur. The name of the game is making her feel safe and relaxed enough that she can let go. Literally.
Coaching Your Partner to Squirt
If your partner isn’t already familiar with the way her pelvic floor muscles work, you can use a dildo to practice. After your partner is fully warmed up, insert the dildo into her vagina (with plenty of lubrication, of course). Ask her to squeeze her pelvic floor as if she’s trying to hold back pee to pull the dildo up inside her. Then ask her to bear down to push the dildo out in the same way she would push out a tampon.
The benefit of using a dildo for this exercise is that both you and your partner get a visual and experiential understanding of how these muscles work. Your partner can learn to actively work the conscious connection with her pelvic muscles. You can also hold a mirror up so she can see what she’s doing. This added visual feedback can help her develop a relationship with her body and to develop more control over her pelvic floor.
Then, insert your finger (it can be your index or middle finger) into her vagina so you can feel the action of these muscles from the inside. Press your finger on her G-spot on the front wall of the vagina and ask her to squeeze her pelvic floor muscles as if she’s trying to pull your finger or fingers further in. You’ll feel how her vaginal wall contracts, and she’ll feel how the sensation changes as she squeezes.
Then, with your finger still inside your partner’s vagina, ask her to bear down as if she’s trying to push your finger out. You’ll feel her vaginal wall press out against your finger, and she’ll feel how the sensation changes. She can voluntarily bear down to create more pressure on her own G-spot. Usually, bearing down makes G-spot sensation feel really good while squeezing inwards interferes with pleasure. The increase in stimulation and the action of pushing out on the pelvic floor are the actions that help your partner squirt. As a guy, if you don’t know the difference between neutral, squeezing, or bearing down, it’s hard to coach someone to let go. Knowing how these muscles work is essential.
Not everyone needs internal stimulation to squirt; some people squirt just from clitoral stimulation. But if your partner has never squirted before, in my experience, G-spot stimulation is one of the most effective ways for a beginner to explore.
Bearing down usually feels good to most women, but it can also trigger a sensation like they have to pee. If I notice my partner tensing up, I ask her, “Does that feel a little weird, like you have to pee?” So often, my partner replies, “How did you know?”
I tell my partner the sensation is totally normal, and I ask her to relax and notice what it feels like. I coach her to let her body get used to the sensations. I take it slow, letting her awareness build. Rushing a partner at this stage can cause her to associate her awareness of the peeing sensation with negative thoughts and shame; I want to help her reprogram that pattern. If she’s worried about peeing and making a mess, I tell my partner it’s her job to make a mess—with a smile on my face.
On that note: Always keep a waterproof cover on your bed. You can also lay down a towel or puppy pads, not just to protect your sheets but to give your partner the peace of mind that she can make as big a mess as she wants.
While it’s great to encourage your partner to relax into the sensation, you also have to pay attention to her feedback. Don’t push her to stay with the experience if she’s uncomfortable; being pushy will make your partner feel pressured, and it will make you feel like shit. If your partner doesn’t like spicy food, you wouldn’t force her to sit down with you and eat spicy Indian curry. It would be just as crazy to keep pushing something she doesn’t like in bed.
For most people, squirting requires vigorous, high-velocity stimulation. You won’t be able to provide your partner with high-intensity stimulation for more than a minute, so before you go for broke, it’s important to get your partner thoroughly warmed up and aroused. Finger her in order to map where her G-spot is most sensitive.
To stimulate the G-spot vigorously, you’ll need a full range of motion with your fingers inside your partner’s vagina. Rather than using just your fingers or your wrist to create the motion, you’ll use your whole arm—so it’s important to get into an ergonomic position. With your partner lying on her back, position yourself on your hands and knees across her, with your body perpendicular to hers.
Lift her leg that’s closer to your hands over your shoulder, and plant that hand on the bed to stabilize yourself. You now have full access to your partner’s vagina. With your free hand, slide your fingers in and press your fingertips up against her G-spot.
Keep your finger hooked up toward her G-spot, and rock your palm up and down, using your whole arm to travel as far as you can down toward her anus and as far up as you can toward her G-spot. Remember the bouncing sensation we talked about earlier in the G-spot section? This is like a more intense version of that. You want to hit the G-spot with as much velocity as you can. By keeping your palm in contact with her vulva, you’ll also give her clitoral stimulation to increase her sexual pleasure.
You’re trying to mimic the rapid movements of a Hypervolt massage gun, but internally on her G-spot. Remember that the visceral nerve runs through her G-spot, so this kind of vigorous stimulation typically feels like a radiating, whole-body sensation.
Once you’ve found the right range of motion, it’s time to go for it: Increase your speed until your partner responds with pleasure. When she seems to be close to orgasm, that’s your moment to go as fast as you can.
Give your partner a heads up that you’re going to go fast and give it your all; you don’t want to surprise her with a sudden burst of higher intensity. As your partner gets close to squirting, you’ll be able to hear the fluid building up; it creates a juicy squishing sound as you move your hand. In my experience, when the sensation feels good to my partner and I’m going all out, squirting is usually triggered in about fifteen seconds.
This body position has become my signature move. Once I worked out the most reliable technique to help my partners squirt, I created a video showcasing this crazy body position on PornHub so others could learn how to do it. The video didn’t just show the mechanics of the technique; it also showed how my partner and I related to each other. The video took off, and it now has over 7 million views and climbing. I was shy about posting that video and putting my teaching out there, but it ended up being the video that launched my sex ed career.
That video resonated with people not just because it demonstrated squirting technique but because it showed the blend of elements that makes for really good sex: knowledge of anatomy, communication with a partner, proper positioning, and confidence in calibrating the exact stimulation that can trigger pleasure. My job was to bring all these elements together, and as a result, my partner was able to relax, focus on what felt good, and let go so her body could respond to sensation.
Playing with Toys
I mentioned before that toys are labor-saving devices. The squirting technique I just described is strenuous, but you can take some of the effort off by using an nJoy Pure wand. The shape and weight of the nJoy make it one of the best fucking sex toys ever made—in fact, it’s so legendary that every sex educator seems to have one. The nJoy is made of stainless steel, so you can use it to create a lot of pressure, and it has a curved shape that allows you to use it as a rocker to stimulate the G-spot.
Make sure to warm the toy up to body temperature first, either by holding it in your hands or resting it on your partner’s body where the weight of the toy can build her anticipation. Once it’s warm enough, you can lube the toy up and tease your partner at the same time: Drip lube onto a spot of her body that can serve as a dipping tray—it could be the crease of her hip or the divot of her belly button—and slide the toy around in the lube using smooth fluid motions. You can use the head of the toy to tease your partner’s vulva and clit to get her used to the feel of the toy.
Pro Tip: have a hot water bottle and rest the nJoy wand on it to keep it warm and toasty while you play.
Insert the head of the toy inside her vagina to press against her G-spot, and rock the other end rapidly up and down. The curved shape turns the toy into a sexual teeter-totter, while the large surface space on the head of the toy can give your partner a lot of pressure over a broad area.
You can rock away at the nJoy wand and use one of my favorite vibrators, the Doxy, to stimulate her clitoris at the same time. Start with the Doxy on its lowest setting, gradually ramping up the speed to intensify the sensations your partner is feeling. As she gets more aroused, you can ask your partner to hold the Doxy and keep stimulating her clit while you use both hands to rock the nJoy.
Ground Her Experience
Squirting can be a full-body intense experience, so help your partner’s system calm down afterward. Give steady, grounding touch to her body. If you’ve used toys, remove them slowly and smoothly. Place your whole palm over her vulva in a pussy hug and breathe with your partner. Assure your partner there’s nothing to manage, and let her fully relax and rest.
It’s nice to have a towel or baby wipes on hand to gently wipe your partner down. Tell her how beautiful she was to watch and thank her for sharing the experience with you. Tell her she doesn’t have to manage anything; she can just relax and soak up the experience. “I’ve got you” is a good phrase for this moment.