By Kenneth Play
The Guy Who Taught Me How to Make Every Woman Squirt
One night, at a sex party, I saw girls lining up to play with a particular guy in the corner of the room. I was instantly curious to learn what he had to offer. This guy was not your typical Casanova; he was nerdy, with funny glasses, curly hair, and an unexpectedly high-pitched voice. But he lined his partners up, and within minutes he got each one to squirt, one right after the other.
My jaw dropped. I thought that only happened on the internet or the fountain show at the Bellagio! Before that moment, squirting had seemed like an elusive, mythical sex act, but here he was, using some replicable process to create this miracle with every partner. This was my first time seeing evidence-based learning at a sex party. I waited for him to take a break so I could bug him about his technique.
My curiosity about learning different sexual techniques was an amazing tool for defusing male competition. Instead of comparing myself to someone who was performing really well, I would often go up to them and ask, “What’s your technique?”
I found him smoking a cigarette outside, and I told him how amazed I’d been at his performance. I asked him how he did it, and he turned around, looked me straight in the face and said, deadpan, “Well, if I tell you I’d have to kill you.”
This was my Karate Kid moment. I was willing to wait outside, rain or shine until the Master came out to give me an answer.
Eventually he told me, “There’s one secret to it; I’ll teach you.”
He did. And now I’ll teach you.
This is one of the most comprehensive how-to guides to squirting that you will find on the internet. In part one we’ll address what squirting is, and get into some of the science of squirting. Part two is the soft skills of squirting, like dealing with squirting anxiety and the emotions that squirting can bring up. Then, in part three, we’ll get deep into the hard skills of squirting (fingering technique, body positions, and protocols). Hard skills are sexy, but soft skills matter more. Without the soft skills, don’t count on a fountain show!
If you want to skip the reading and go straight to technique, watch my FREE SQUIRTING TUTORIAL HERE (it’s great for visual learners!), but I have to say, I highly recommend that you read this blog all the way through if you want to master this skill and give her a beyond satisfying experience.
FAQ:
Do all women squirt?
Not all women squirt, and it is not a requirement for sexual pleasure. While many women are capable of squirting with the right stimulation and relaxation, it is not something everyone experiences or enjoys.
Can squirting happen without an orgasm?
Yes, squirting and orgasm are not necessarily linked. Some women squirt without orgasming, and others may experience both simultaneously.
What’s the difference between squirting and female ejaculation?
Squirting typically involves a larger release of clear fluid, while female ejaculation refers to a smaller amount of thick, milky fluid from the Skene’s glands. Both are distinct phenomena, though they may occur together.
What’s the best technique for helping a partner squirt?
Creating a safe, pressure-free environment is key. The most effective technique for many women involves G-spot stimulation combined with clitoral stimulation.
What should I do if my partner feels anxious about squirting?
If your partner feels anxiety about squirting (such as concerns about peeing or making a mess), address these worries directly. Reassure them that the sensation is normal, and encourage relaxation without pressure to perform.
Does squirting feel pleasurable?
For some women, squirting is a deeply pleasurable experience, while others may find it neutral or even uncomfortable.
Is there a specific position for squirting?
Certain positions, such as missionary with knees raised or cowgirl leaning back, can make G-spot stimulation easier, which may increase the likelihood of squirting. However, each person is different, and experimenting with angles and pressure is important.
The Science of Squirting
What is Squirting?
Squirting is an involuntary emission of fluid from the vulva during sexual arousal or orgasm.
While there is raging debate on what squirting is and isn’t, scientists have been able to clear up a few common misconceptions. Nope, squirt is not the same as pee! While it may contain traces of urine, it is primarily a clear, nearly odorless fluid, sometimes mixed with female ejaculate. Squirt can be composed of fluid from the bladder and the Skene’s glands. It can include prostate-specific antigen, fructose, glucose, and small amounts of urine if the bladder wasn’t emptied before sex1Dietrich, W., Susani, M., Stifter, L., & Haitel, A. (2011). The human female prostate- immunohistochemical study with prostate-specic antigen, prostate-specic alkaline phosphatase, and androgen receptorand 3-D remodeling. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 8(10), 2816–2821. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21810187/.
The exact function is not entirely known yet, but it may be related to increased sexual pleasure and potentially serve as a protective mechanism against UTI’s2Moalem S, Reidenberg JS. Does female ejaculation serve an antimicrobial purpose?. Med Hypotheses. 2009;73(6):1069-1071. doi:10.1016/j.mehy.2009.07.024 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0306987709005131.
Squirting is not directly connected to orgasm; some people experience orgasm while squirting, but it’s also possible to squirt without cuming. It’s not a sexual function that everyone enjoys or needs to do. And it’s not the pinnacle of sexual achievement. But I love teaching squirting because it encompasses so many key lessons – ones that separate a basic lover from the best she’s ever had – how to invite her to surrender to pleasure, effortlessly slip your fingers in, stimulate her G-spot like a god, and how to position your body so you don’t run out of steam before she makes it across the finish line.
In this blog, we’ll focus more on the act of squirting and how to make it happen, but if you want to nerd out on all the scientific details – what it’s made of, where exactly it comes from, and even what it smells / tastes / looks like, check out my Is Squirt Pee? article.
The Anatomy of Squirting
You can study diagrams of female anatomy, but every vulva looks slightly different: they vary in color, shape, and size.
Every G-spot is in a slightly different place and responds to different amounts of pressure.
In the same way your penis can be flaccid or erect, your partner’s tissues can change depending on how aroused she is, where she is in her hormonal cycle, how relaxed she is, and many other factors. When a woman is fully aroused, she lubricates, her clitoris becomes engorged, the urethral sponge fills with blood, the vaginal opening relaxes, the vagina lengthens and expands in a process called “tenting,” and the uterus balloons upwards towards the abdomen.
The G-Spot
To find your partner’s G-spot, start by feeling the front wall of her vagina, reaching towards her belly button. According to research by OMGYes3OMGYes.com., 58 percent of women report that their G-spot is on the front wall of the vagina or slightly to the left or right of the front wall. The rest report that it is on the sides, bottom, or moves around.
How deep this spot is inside the vagina also depends on the person. Some people’s G-spot is as little as half an inch in from the vaginal opening; others are most sensitive three inches in. Typically, the “right spot” is about two inches in for most women.
Women experience their G-spot in different places because each woman has unique pleasure wiring – the most pleasurable spot for her depends quite literally on the location and layout of her nerves. Just like every phone has a power button, but some are a little higher and some a little lower – don’t try to turn on the iPhone by pressing the Samsung button! It’s not gonna work!
Your partner will also feel different sensations on the front wall of her vagina depending on how aroused and engorged she is. This is because the clitoral body swells as she becomes aroused, and the clitoral body will feel more sensitive and pleasurable as it becomes engorged. The other structure that drastically changes as arousal increases is the urethral sponge. This spongy erectile tissue becomes more pleasurable to the touch as it swells during arousal and protects the urethra from direct stimulation, which can be irritating. You can actually feel this spongy tissue swelling up (to your fingers it can feel like a pool noodle a little smaller than the size of a AAA battery) and even notice the contours of it as you become more aware of what you are touching. Ask her what spot feels best to her, and how much pressure she likes—some women like really firm pressure on this area.
When you stroke your partner’s G-spot, you’re stimulating the internal structures of the clitoris, which can get sensation through the vaginal wall. Because you’re stimulating the tissues on the other side of the wall, including the clitoral body and urethral sponge, pressure tends to feel more satisfying to most women than friction.
The Skene’s Glands
The Skene’s glands surround the urethra and are similar to the prostate in men, because they develop from the same tissues in embryos. These glands are inside the urethral sponge, and one study found that only about 50-85% of all women actually have them4Debbie Herbenick, et al., “Women’s Experiences with Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and Orgasm: Results from a US Probability Sample of Women Ages 18 to 94,” Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, 44:2, 201–212. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0092623x.2017.1346530—there is a lot we have yet to discover.
The Skene’s /paraurethral glands (also known as the female prostate) can produce a milky white substance, similar to the watery part of semen. This is considered female ejaculate, because it shares some of the components of male ejaculate. My Is Squirt Pee? article has all the details on that.
The actual function of the fluid produced by these glands may be to lubricate and protect the urethral opening.
Squirting vs. Ejaculate
Female ejaculation and squirting, while often used interchangeably, describe two distinct phenomena5Pastor Z, Chmel R. Female ejaculation and squirting as similar but completely different phenomena: A narrative review of current research. Clinical Anatomy. 2022;35(5):616–25. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/ca.23879.
Female ejaculation typically refers to the release of a small amount of thick, milky fluid from the Skene’s glands during or before orgasm.
Squirting, on the other hand, involves the expulsion of a larger volume of clear and watery fluid that can occur during intense sexual stimulation or orgasm. This fluid originates from the bladder but is not urine. It can mix with the female ejaculate and contain prostate-specific compounds and glucose, which are not found in urine, suggesting a unique composition that is linked to sexual arousal. Squirting can happen with or without an orgasm, and not all women experience it.
Either way, squirt, being mostly water, doesn’t make good lube! Be sure to use a quality lube like this, one of my favorites.
The Squirt Gatekeeper
This section is for my fellow sex nerds. Let’s geek out on what actually makes squirting possible.
From the squirting survey I co-created6Zhana Vrangalova and Kenneth Play, “Squirting Research Project,” https://squirtingsurvey.com., and from my own experience with over a thousand partners, I estimate that most women are able to squirt—maybe around ninety percent. That doesn’t mean every partner wants to, nor does it mean squirting is easy to do the first time. It requires your partner to have a degree of mastery over her own body.
When I made my educational video on squirting, I actually made a small mistake: I picked a co-teacher who has absolute control over her squirting response. In the video, I’m not struggling because my partner knows how to squirt voluntarily. We’re both confident we can show the viewer how it works, but with many partners, there’s a lot more trial and error to get just the right stimulation and just the right amount of muscle control.
If someone pokes the space between your eyes, you’ll automatically blink; that’s an automatic reflex. But you can also consciously control your reaction if you focus on not blinking when you’re poked. Similarly, squirting is an involuntary reflex that can be brought under conscious control.
One of the pelvic muscles, the bulbocavernosus, is a sphincter muscle, which is closed while in its resting state. You can think of it as the squirt gatekeeper. When we become aroused, this muscle opens and relaxes. We bear down on this sphincter the same way we bear down when we need to release the anal sphincter.
This mechanism is brilliantly explained by Stacy Lindau MD, from womanlab.com7Stacy Lindau, “Part 1: Your Vagina Has a Sphincter!” womanlab.com, 2018. https://womanlab.org/bulbocavernosus-1/, who says, “Bearing down is a conscious act that overcomes the normal, contracted, closed state of the anal sphincter. We bear down using a trick of physiology called a ‘val-salva’ maneuver to generate enough pressure from inside our body to overcome the pressure in the anal sphincter muscle.” This same process works when it comes to the bulbocavernosus muscle.
Another mechanism that prevents fluid from being released during sex is the swelling of the urethral sponge. The urethral sponge surrounds the urethra and swells up to prevent fluid from being released from the bladder during sex, but under pressure from the pelvic muscles pushing outward, fluid can still be released from the bladder. For squirting to occur, bearing down must happen strongly enough to bypass both the tonically closed state of the bulbocavernosus muscle as well as generate enough pressure to move liquid through the urethra while the urethral sponge is swollen around it.
G-spot stimulation of a certain variety can cause this bearing down reflex to happen involuntarily, and your partner can also learn to control the response of these muscles to tighten or relax them. Some women just happen to naturally respond to sexual stimulation by bearing down, whereas others need to learn to do this maneuver. Voluntary squirting can happen when your partner is able to control these muscles to bear down and push the fluid out of her bladder. It’s the cheat code to open her squirt gate! I played with two girls at a party once who were proud of their squirting ability and ran around the party squirting people in the mouth like they had a pair of water guns.
Some women experience involuntary BC contractions when they orgasm, and some people push out when they cum. The ones that push out when they cum tend to squirt each time they cum, not because they’re doing it consciously, but because their body reacts to orgasm by bearing down. If you’ve ever slept with a partner whose body seemed to push your cock out when she orgasms, that’s this muscle at work.
The take-home idea here is that urethral and vaginal sphincter muscles have to open up in order for squirting to happen. This can occur for a variety of reasons: arousal, bearing down consciously, or bearing down involuntarily. If these muscles are closed because she isn’t aroused, or she isn’t sure how to let go, squirting isn’t likely to occur. The name of the game is making her feel safe and relaxed enough that she can let go. Literally.
Release the Squirt Gate
If your partner isn’t already familiar with the way her pelvic floor muscles work, you can use a dildo to practice8Kenneth Play, Beyond Satisfied: A Sex Hacker’s Guide to Endless Orgasms, Mind-Blowing Connection, and Lasting Confidence (Scribe Media, 2022). https://kennethplay.com/book/. I usually ask my partner, “Do you want to learn a magic trick?”
After your partner is fully warmed up, insert the dildo into her vagina (with plenty of lubrication, of course). Ask her to squeeze her pelvic floor as if she’s trying to hold back pee, to pull the dildo up inside her. Then ask her to bear down to push the dildo out in the same way she would push out a tampon.
The benefit of using a dildo for this exercise is that both you and your partner get a visual and experiential understanding of how these muscles work. Your partner can learn to actively work the conscious connection with her pelvic muscles. You can also hold a mirror up so she can see what she’s doing. This added visual feedback can help her develop a relationship to her body and to develop more control over her pelvic floor.
Then, insert your finger into her vagina so you can feel the action of these muscles from the inside. Press your finger on her G-spot and ask her to squeeze her pelvic floor muscles as if she’s trying to pull your fingers further in. You’ll feel how her vaginal wall contracts, and she’ll feel how the sensation changes as she squeezes.
Then, with your finger still inside your partner’s vagina, ask her to bear down, as if she’s trying to push your finger out. You’ll feel her vaginal wall press out against your finger, and she’ll feel how the sensation changes. She can voluntarily bear down to create more pressure on her own G-spot. Usually, bearing down makes G-spot sensation feel really good, while squeezing inwards interferes with pleasure. The increase in stimulation and the action of pushing out on the pelvic floor are the actions that help your partner squirt. As a guy, if you don’t know the difference between neutral, squeezing, or bearing down, it’s hard to coach someone to let go. Knowing how these muscles work is essential.
Not everyone needs internal stimulation to squirt; some people squirt just from clitoral stimulation. But if your partner has never squirted before, in my experience, G-spot stimulation is one of the most effective ways for a beginner to explore.
Bearing down usually feels good to most women, but it can also trigger a sensation like they have to pee. If I notice my partner tensing up, I ask her, “Does that feel a little weird, like you have to pee?” So often, my partner replies, “How did you know?”
I tell my partner the sensation is totally normal, and I ask her to relax and notice what it feels like. Not only is it normal, it actually means she is on the right track! But if she’s worried about peeing on me, that’s going to activate her brakes. The moment she feels that sensation is the coachable moment. I coach her to let her body get used to the sensations. I take it slow, letting her awareness build. Rushing a partner at this stage can cause her to associate her awareness of the peeing sensation with negative thoughts and shame; I want to help her reprogram that pattern. If she’s worried about peeing and making a mess, I tell my partner it’s her job to make a mess—with a smile on my face.
The Soft Skills of Squirting
Emily Nagoski, in her book Come As You Are, writes about turn-offs and turn-ons as sexual brakes and accelerators9Emily Nagoski, Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life (New York: Simon and Schuster, 2015). https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1476762090. As a partner, the most mind-blowing thing you can figure out is how to help her release her brakes and rev up her accelerators. Many women have powerful brakes when it comes to squirting – whether they are worried about peeing or making a mess or losing control. Feeling pressured to squirt will also slam the brakes. Performance anxiety is real! Being fixated on a particular outcome tends to pile on stress. For squirting to be pleasurable, she’s got to be aroused. And to get aroused, it really helps to be relaxed.
So if squirting is something you both want, it’s crucial that you maximize arousal to get rid of the turn-offs and stack the turn-ons. Let’s get into how to make that happen.
The Emotional Side of Squirting
Squirting comes with unique sensations; some people like the feeling of squirting, and some people don’t. The experience of squirting for the first time can be very emotional because it’s a loss of control that some people haven’t experienced before. From what I’ve observed with my partners, one out of eight or so women has an emotional release when they squirt for the first time.
In various schools of psychological thought, there are theories that our physical experiences help us process our emotional experiences. A new physical experience like squirting seems to unlock some of the connections our partners have between their physical and emotional experiences around sex.
A partner who I helped squirt for the first time told me a story afterward that moved me. She said that even as a young kid, she knew she was very sexual, and she built up a lot of hype around her first time having penetrative sex. When she lost her virginity, she remembered the sensation of her partner’s penis inside of her feeling like she might have to pee.
Her reaction was, “Oh shit, I don’t want to pee on my partner.” She said she instantly felt shame and developed a response in her body: her muscles clenched to hold back pee. Most of her focus was on not peeing, rather than enjoying the pleasure. Her reaction became subconscious after a while, and every time she felt that sensation, she slammed the brakes.
She said that when I stimulated her to help her squirt, it was the first time she let herself let go of all the tension she was holding. The release made her cry. I listened and held her for a while after our session.
After my experience with this partner, I realized there were probably many women who held themselves back from certain sexual experiences because they were ashamed or afraid of letting go. Oddly enough, my journey of mastering squirting helped me understand how important it is to coach a partner on letting go.
This association between letting go emotionally and G-spot stimulation is not some sort of woo-woo notion. The nerves that connect to the G-spot run through the viscera of the body, where we experience emotions, and being able to fully feel sensations in the deeper parts of the vagina depends on your partner’s ability to allow herself to feel the emotions that come up in her body as well. Ultimately, experiencing the depths of pleasure is dependent on experiencing deep feeling, period. I see my role in this as encouraging and allowing my partner to experience anything that comes up – which takes her foot off the brakes, and organically ramps up her turn-on. As a partner, it’s also very moving to hold space for this kind of experience.
Making Her Squirt
I have to admit, I used to be a one-trick pony. From all my research, I’d gathered some of the most effective squirting techniques. Making women squirt was my one trick, and my ego was riding on it. I would get frustrated when I couldn’t “make her squirt.” I feel properly ashamed of that now. Don’t be like past-Kenneth.
I was puzzled that what worked for one woman didn’t work for another. Not everyone responded the same way to the same stimulation. As a result, some of my partners felt disappointed and thought there might be something wrong with them, since I was the quote unquote squirt master. This broke my heart. I never wanted my partner to feel like they were broken because they didn’t squirt. That’s the opposite of turn-on! Nothing slams the brakes like the pressure to squirt.
Fortunately, I learned to let go of my own ego and my attachment to the fountain show. I finally realized that technique is only half of the recipe—squirting is more about creating a safe space for your partner to let go and learn to control their own squirt gate.
Like dancing, while one person is leading and the other is following, both are active roles that depend on being in tune with oneself and the other dancer. You don’t “make someone squirt” just like you don’t make them dance. It’s a collaboration, whether she’s bearing down – using her PC muscles to create a voluntary pushing-out contraction, or letting go (which can be an active effort) to open the squirt gate.
While it’s great to encourage your partner to relax into the sensation, you also have to pay attention to her feedback. Don’t push her to stay with the experience if she’s uncomfortable; being pushy will make your partner feel pressured, and it will make you feel like shit. If your partner doesn’t like spicy food, you wouldn’t force her to sit down with you and eat spicy Indian curry. It would be just as crazy to keep pushing something she doesn’t like in bed.
I now use squirting as an opportunity to connect with my partner and help her let go, whether it ends in waterworks or not.
Dealing with Squirt Anxiety
Anxiety is the enemy of arousal.
You have to feel safe to relax, and relaxation is key to arousal. But telling your partner “just relax” never works!
Anxiety about squirting is understandable. Some of the worries that come up around squirting might be: Is this just pee? Will my partner think it’s gross? Will I ruin the mattress? Will I stain the sheets? Who’s gonna sleep in the wet spot? Fuck, so much laundry!
Your partner may have one or more of these anxieties. If you can draw her out about her concern, you may find there’s a simple solution that will help her relax. In my Is Squirt Pee? article, we get into best practices for managing some of the most common anxieties she might experience.
For example, if she’s concerned about her pussy being smelly or dirty after a yoga class, she may be more comfortable after a quick shower (or a long one, where you shower together). If I sense a partner has low genital self-esteem, I tell her I love the way she smells and tastes, so she can let go of wondering what I think.
By acknowledging her anxieties and helping her work through them, you can build an intense form of intimacy – which is sexy as fuck!
The First Time She Squirted
Soft skills matter more.
In 2020, New York Times bestselling author and female sexuality scholar Wednesday Martin invited me on her podcast, True Sex & Wild Love10Miller, W. & Martin W. (Hosts). (2020, August 10). Wednesday Squirts For The First Time With Kenneth Play & Whitney (Teaser). [Audio podcast episode]. In True Sex & Wild Love. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/wednesday-squirts-for-the-first-time-with-kenneth/id1472061802?i=1000487798904. In her email invite, she casually mentioned, “You’re gonna make me squirt, right?” But I thought she was just being cheeky!
When I showed up, her co-host, Whitney, and a producer, were there. Wednesday said, “Ok, so, are you ready to go?” And I realized, wait, she was serious. She said, “We’re gonna do it live, in the studio, with video.” Ok, I told her, then I need some stuff. She sent her assistant out to get gloves, and lube.
Picture this: I’m in a professional public recording studio in the heart of Manhattan. The studio had a huge window facing a building with an officeful of people working in their cubicles (who all had a front-row seat). Whitney had set up a little squirt pad on the floor, so we were on the floor, but still semi exposed, which added something to the energy in the room, for sure.
We negotiated with the producer – we asked are you cool with us doing this? She said, “I’m totally cool with it. I would actually love to see it!”
I asked her a few questions before we got into it, like: Do you have any sexual trauma? Have you spent your life sucking your stomach in? Is there anything else we could do to make you more comfortable? Do you really want to do this? Can you let go of pressure around whether this happens or not?
I’ve done squirting demos live in front of hundreds of couples, but I really felt extra pressure on this one! Wednesday is a colleague I deeply admire. Whitney is a superstar. And there was a whole group of office workers across the way, possibly getting the peek of their lives. Talk about performance anxiety! But I knew that if I was anxious, that would make her more anxious. To defuse the tension for both of us, I said, “This is exciting and both of us might feel a sense of performance anxiety, but whether you squirt or not is unimportant. This isn’t about my ego at all. Let’s take a deep breath together and get grounded into our bodies.”
I invited her to close her eyes and began coaching her. “I want you to focus on the tip of my finger as I trace your body.” I was directing the scene of the movie playing in her head, encouraging her to focus on sensations. When I noticed her body begin to relax and drop in, I let her know, “I’m going to touch your vulva now,” and took the time to lubricate my finger, giving her a few seconds before I started stimulating her, to get used to the idea. I began to touch her, stimulating her vulva and clit for a while, and I checked in often to see if it was okay. When she was aroused enough, I began fingering her and stimulating her G-spot, calibrating the pressure, and feeling for engorgement.
When I started to transition into my signature move hand position, I could tell that it felt intense to her. I told her that the sensation was a good sign. The first time people feel it, they tend to clench involuntarily, and she was clenching her PC muscles. Also, women are conditioned to suck their stomachs in, which makes it hard to let go. I started coaching her – “Squeeze my finger with your pussy.” I did the come hither motion. “Now try to relax,” and I did the come hither motion again. “Now try to push my finger out.” The sensation changed a bit for her, and she had an aha moment! I told her “I’m going to do the same technique with you in a bit, once I feel like you are ready again, and I want you to try and push my finger out while I’m doing the technique.” Once she gained control over the pushing out, and I did my signature move again, on our third try, she squirted.
She was so surprised and happy, like “Oh my God, I did it!” I told her she didn’t have to manage anything. I put my palm over her pussy, like a pussy hug, and cleaned her up with the towel. Once she felt ready to move on, I invited her to take a break and go to the restroom.
It wasn’t all about my technique; it was about coaching and collaboration. I’m telling you: soft skills matter more!
Listen to the episode here.
The Hard Skills of Squirting
What Makes Someone Squirt?
I co-created the largest survey on squirting to date, with data from over 8,000 participants6Zhana Vrangalova and Kenneth Play, “Squirting Research Project,” https://squirtingsurvey.com..
They reported that their most reliable methods for squirting (with number 1 being the most common/effective) are:
- internal (vaginal) + external (clitoral) stimulation – using a combination of mouth, handheld toys, and fingers
- internal vaginal stimulation – with handheld toys or their partner’s fingers
- internal vaginal penetration (with a cock or a strap-on) + external clitoral stimulation
- internal vaginal penetration (with a cock or a strap-on) alone
- external clitoral stimulation alone
In my personal experience (and I’ve made over 1,000 women squirt, which is larger than the sample size of most studies!) a G-spot + clit stimulation combo is the most effective, especially for first-time squirters.
Fingering Techniques
Before penetrating your partner with your fingers, you definitely want to get them aroused.
PRO TIP:
Use lube! I know some of you are purists about this, but I’m a pragmatist. Lube is your best friend. It reduces the friction on her delicate tissues. Dry friction is like rubbing sandpaper on her pussy!
Start by stimulating her clit. You can try a variety of different kinds of touch around your partner’s clit, but here are a few of the most effective techniques from my course, Beyond Satisfied Pro.
If your partner prefers sensation across her whole vulva, use your whole hand, with fingers flat and pressed together, to stroke back and forth across her vulva and clit. The subtle ripple between your fingers will give stimulation similar to a vibrator. You can increase the sensation by fanning your fingers out and moving your hand faster back and forth.
For another technique, make a loose fist. Place the flat surface of your fingers, between your second and third knuckles, against her vulva, and wiggle your fingers as you move your hand side to side.
This will stimulate her vulva and clit with a rippling sensation. You can do the same motion while also flexing your wrist up and down, which doesn’t induce orgasm for many people, but does give a pleasurable mix of swiping-circular sensations.
As you continue to play with new types of touch, continue to watch for and ask for feedback from your partner. Tell them to let you know right away if something feels off or they don’t like a particular technique. The faster they let you know, the quicker you can calibrate the kind of touch that feels amazing.
The more dexterity and body awareness you develop, the better quality of touch you’ll develop, too—until your hands become a better sex toy than whatever is stashed under your bed. Your touch can be more precise, varied, and responsive than anything on the market.
Internal Touch
Before you slide your fingers inside your partner’s vagina, tease around the vaginal opening to get the tissues warmed up to sensation. When your partner is fully aroused, she may be wet or she may not be; it depends on the person.
PRO TIP:
One fun hack I like for lubing my fingers is to create a little “dipping tray.” I pour about a tablespoon of lube onto a part of their body where the lube can pool, like the hip crease or belly button.
When you’re ready to slide your fingers in, turn your hand palm-up so your fingernail presses against the bottom of her vagina, towards her anus. The bottom wall of the vagina stretches the most, and your lubed-up finger will slide in smoothly.
PRO TIP:
Be a Sex Hand Model. Keep your hands supersmooth – exfoliate and lotion them on the regular. Definitely wash your hands thoroughly before playing, and trim and file your nails – you don’t want to scrape or stab her tender insides! You could also use medical-grade gloves, which reliably give you a smooth, clean surface for fingering.
Once your finger is in knuckle-deep, keep your finger still for a moment to give your partner a moment to feel the sensation of your finger inside. If you want to insert two fingers, stagger your index finger on top of your middle finger so they create the least amount of surface space sliding into the vaginal opening.
Apply pressure up towards her belly button to map where her G-spot is. Remember that G-spot location can vary from woman to woman (as mentioned in the G-spot section above). Start with a broad, sweeping motion from one side (one hip) to the other, making a half-moon shape, to get a sense of where she feels the most sensation. Only move your fingers in or out to adjust the depth, not as a back-and-forth thrusting motion.
When you have a sense of where the most sensitive spot is for your partner, you can focus your attention there. Press harder to see what range of pressure she likes—you might be surprised at how much pressure you can apply. You can also add friction, curling your fingertips back and forth. Try friction only and pressure only to see what your partner likes best.
To create maximum sensation on the G-spot, uncurl your fingers all the way so they press towards the back wall of the vagina. (Often people don’t bring the fingers down towards the anus enough.) As you uncurl your fingers towards the back wall of the vagina, you’re creating more range of motion. Then you can generate more force as you press back up against the G-spot, in a come-hither motion. You can create even more pressure by flexing your wrist as you curl your fingers. Then, extend your wrist as you straighten your fingers out again. Do this in a rhythmic motion. This might feel awkward and unnatural at first, but it will get easier with time.
You can also curl your fingers upward in a walking motion like you’re doing the moonwalk on her front vaginal wall with your fingers. This is a variation in sensation that some people really like. As you do it, pay attention to your fingertips, trying to feel the urethral sponge under your fingertips.
If your partner likes even more firm sensation in this area, you can use your other hand to press down on her lower abdomen from the front, pushing the front wall of her vagina back into your other hand. You could even use a massage gun on her stomach/pubic mound, and press your finger(s) up inside her, creating a kind of sandwich.
If you move your fingers with the right range of motion as you flex the back of your finger towards her anus, there is a moment when the G-spot separates from the pad of your finger. As you curl your finger up again, you will be pressing her G-spot back up towards her belly button. This is kind of like bouncing a ball on a paddleboard, and when you do this right, you get the satisfying feeling of a rhythmic bounce. You can actually feel the vaginal wall bouncing beneath your fingers, and the internal clitoris is right behind that wall bouncing along with it.
This motion of the internal clit activates more nerve endings. This kind of stimulation may or may not feel more pleasurable to your partner; everyone is different, and the range of sensation that feels good is unique. If your partner likes the sensation, you can firm up your wrist and use your whole arm to help you move your fingers up and down inside her vagina.
As you do this, you should be calibrating to find her “pleasure sweet spot.” The way to achieve this is to start off slow, increase the pressure and speed until it feels like too much, and then decrease the sensation slightly. For most women, their pleasure sweet spot is just under “too much.”
Additionally, many women have never really had enough G-spot stimulation to be able to feel much, so when they do experience it for the first time, it often feels foreign and like they have to pee. This is when you can coach her to release the squirt gatekeeper.
My Signature Technique
For most people, squirting requires vigorous, high-velocity stimulation. You won’t be able to provide your partner with high-intensity stimulation for more than a minute, so before you go for broke, it’s important to get your partner thoroughly warmed up and aroused. Finger her in order to map where her G-spot is most sensitive.
To stimulate the G-spot vigorously, you’ll need a full range of motion with your fingers inside your partner’s vagina. Rather than using just your fingers or your wrist to create the motion, you’ll use your whole arm—so it’s important to get into an ergonomic position. With your partner lying on her back, position yourself on your hands and knees across her, with your body perpendicular to hers.
PRO TIP:
A guiding idea when trying any of these motions is that you want to produce the most force with the least effort by recruiting larger muscle groups, leveraging joints and body position so you don’t overtax smaller muscles to the point of exhaustion. My background in competitive swimming taught me if any movement does not propel you farther, faster, it’s wasted energy. Efficiency of movement is the key to mastery.
Lift her leg that’s closer to your hands over your shoulder, and plant that hand on the bed to stabilize yourself. You now have full access to your partner’s vagina. With your free hand, slide your fingers in and press your fingertips up against her G-spot.
Keep your finger hooked up towards her G-spot, and rock your palm up and down, using your whole arm to travel as far as you can down towards her anus and as far up as you can towards her G-spot.
Remember the bouncing sensation we talked about earlier in the G-spot section? This is like a more intense version of that. You want to hit the G-spot with as much velocity as you can. By keeping your palm in contact with her vulva, you’ll also give her clitoral stimulation to increase her pleasure.
You’re trying to mimic the rapid movements of a Hypervolt massage gun, but internally on her G-spot. The visceral nerve runs through her G-spot, so this kind of vigorous stimulation typically feels like a radiating, whole-body sensation.
Once you’ve found the right range of motion, it’s time to go for it: increase your speed until your partner responds with pleasure. When she seems to be close to orgasm, that’s your moment to go as fast as you can.
Give your partner a heads-up that you’re going to go fast and give it your all; you don’t want to surprise her with a sudden burst of higher intensity. As your partner gets close to squirting, you’ll be able to hear the fluid building up; it creates a juicy squishing sound as you move your hand. In my experience, when the sensation feels good to my partner and I’m going all out, squirting is usually triggered in about fifteen seconds.
This body position has become my signature move.
How to Make Yourself Squirt
Ladies, you don’t actually need anybody else to make you squirt! You can learn to DIY- it with my free explicit tutorial.
The Waterfall Technique
The Waterfall Technique leverages the most natural body position for squirting, so it’s perfect for first time squirters!
When her body is vertical, it’s in a familiar position to release fluid.
I recommend that she be on her knees, with her shins and feet on the bed, because she’ll be much more stable with this wider foundation of support. In the Waterfall technique, you’ll both be on your knees, creating an extra stable pyramid-type structure. She can wrap her arms around your neck and shoulders, while your free arm can hold on to her lower back and hip. With the arm that’s stimulating her, you flex your bicep to apply pressure to her clit with your palm while rocking your hand back and forth, just like the signature technique.
You could also do this while she’s standing, leaning against a wall. (At a club, for instance. But wash your hands first and make sure she’s fully into it!)
PRO TIP:
If you try this in the shower, make sure she’s leaning against the wall, and you are both as stable as you possibly can be. Take care that the shower floor isn’t slippery – a grippy mat might be a good idea. I also have suction cup handles in my shower, so she has something to grab onto. Reducing the risk of bodily harm is also a part of safer sex. Falling in the shower is a surefire way to ruin a session!
The Big Splash Technique
Toys are labor-saving devices. My signature squirting technique is strenuous, but you can take some of the effort off by using an nJoy Pure wand. The shape and weight of the nJoy make it one of the best squirting sex toys ever made—in fact, it’s so legendary that every sex educator seems to have one. The nJoy is made of stainless steel, so you can use it to create a lot of pressure, and it has a curved shape that allows you to use it like a rocker to stimulate the G-spot.
Warm the toy up to body temperature first, either by holding it in your hands or resting it on your partner’s body where the weight of the toy can build her anticipation. Once it’s warm enough, you can lube the toy up and tease your partner at the same time: Drip lube on the dipping tray—and slide the toy around in the lube using smooth, fluid motions. You can use the head of the toy to tease your partner’s vulva and clit to get her used to the feel of the toy.
PRO TIP:
Place the nJoy wand in a bowl of warm water to keep it toasty while you play. (And make sure to test the temperature of the toy against your lips before you put it on or in her!)
Insert the head of the toy inside her vagina to press against her G-spot, and rock the other end rapidly up and down. The curved shape turns the toy into a sexual teeter-totter, while the large surface space on the head of the toy can give your partner a lot of pressure over a broad area.
You can rock away at the nJoy wand and use one of my favorite vibrators, the Doxy, to stimulate her clit at the same time. Start with the Doxy on its lowest setting, gradually ramping up the speed to intensify the sensations your partner is feeling. As she gets more aroused, you can ask your partner to hold the Doxy and keep stimulating her clit while you use both hands to rock the nJoy.
Squirting via Penetration
Any position that gives your cock a 45 degree angle towards her g-spot is more likely to trigger squirting. (However, internal stimulation isn’t required for squirting! Once she has unlocked the squirt gate, you could basically do any sex position and she would be able to squirt.)
Anything inserted in the butt—whether fingers, a toy, or a penis— feels better when angled upward towards the belly button at a forty-five-degree angle. That goes for the g-spot too. This forty-five-degree angle rule was popularized by Gigi Engle, an amazing sex educator colleague of mine, author of All the F*cking Mistakes11Gigi Engle, All the F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life (New York: St. Martin’s Press, 2020). https://www.amazon.com/All-cking-Mistakes-Guide-Love/dp/125018973X.
This insertion angle makes it so that pressure is applied to the G-spot, clitoral bulbs, or A-spot and cervix, depending on how deep you go. By doing this, you create stimulation of the vagus, hypogastric, and pelvic nerves all at once. This is a game of calibration. It might not be exactly forty-five degrees for every person; you might need to experiment with angles around that range. But when you hit the right spot, it will feel different to the receiver, and should make this act way more pleasurable.
PRO TIP:
Since the cock is flexible, to maximize the angle you are trying to hit, you can hold the base of your cock with your hand and apply pressure towards the angle of her G-spot.
To experiment with the right angle for squirting, you can turn your partner facedown and prop her belly and hips up with pillows or a wedge so they’re elevated. Or she can be on her back, and you can place the wedge under her hips. Pillows, cushions, and furniture can become handy props to support your partner in different positions. You can even bend her over the kitchen counter or the dining room table. And when she rides on top, she can easily change the angle.
If I’m fucking a new partner who isn’t used to directing her partner for her pleasure, I ask her to move in the way that feels good to her. Pay attention to the angles she uses. If you’re fucking in missionary position, your cock most likely goes pretty straight into her vagina. But if she lifts her knees towards her chest, the angle of her pelvis tilts, and so does the angle of your cock in her vagina. Your thrusts (or hers) put more pressure on one side of the vagina than another. She can twist her hips to put more pressure on other sides of the vagina. She can raise and lower her legs, or you can raise and lower her hips. When you find an angle that works, you can start to calibrate with smaller adjustments, getting more and more precise on the angle that works best for your partner.
If you want the best chance of squirting during penetration, use one of the other techniques, like my signature move, to prime the pump, and when she’s close, switch to penetrating her at an angle.
Sex Positions for Squirting
Ultimately, once she has control over the squirt gate, she could conceivably squirt in any position, but there are some sex positions that give easier access to the G-spot and are most conducive to squirting.
Based on my personal experience, and what is statistically most likely to induce squirting, I recommend the three positions below. However, every couple is different and bodies pair together differently. A position that triggered a fountain show in one lover might not do anything for another. Trying to cut-and-paste your sex technique is a sure way to disappoint. That’s why I always say not to use your ex-girlfriend’s map to navigate your new girlfriend’s neighborhood!
The real fun is in the discovery. Treat each lover as a new erotic landscape. Discover the unique curves of her terrain, and mark every erogenous zone on your mental treasure map. This is how you begin to unlock peak sexual experiences that she didn’t even know were possible. To me, this is what brings art to the science.
Missionary
(with her knees towards her chest and a wedge underneath)
One of the most ergonomic positions is to have your partner hold the backs of her knees with her knees bent and her legs wide. This gives you full access to her vagina, and it tilts her hips in a way that feels good to most people. You can accentuate this tilt by putting a wedge or pillow under her hips.
To adjust the angle, have your partner let go of her knees. Take hold of her feet and slowly rotate her legs down so she can feel how the change in her hips changes where your cock puts pressure on her G-spot internally. Find the angle that feels best to her. Adjust the distance between her legs, too. She’ll feel different sensations from having her knees wide versus having her thighs together.
Then try adjusting your own position. You can be upright, kneeling with both knees on the bed, holding her feet or her hips. You can also bend over and plant your hands next to her shoulders, with her feet over your shoulders. Try positioning yourself in a lunge, with one foot planted on the bed and one knee down.
Cowgirl
(front-facing but leaning back)
In cowgirl, you lay on your back as your partner rides your cock in the way that feels best for her. She can be on her knees, or she can squat over you with her feet on the bed; both variations create different sensations. To start, let her guide your cock to enter her. Then she can shift her hips by leaning forward or leaning back, to find the perfect angle to stimulate her G-spot. Simultaneously, she can grind her clit on your pubic area, or rub her clit with her fingers or a vibrator.
She can also lean forward, look you in the eye, grind away, and choke you while she rides herself all the way across the finish line, saying “Look at me while I cum!” … if that’s what you’re into.
PRO TIP:
Most people think fucking is only about going in and out (or in this case up and down), but don’t forget that she can keep her hips pressing down on you, and your cock fully inside her as she gyrates back and forth. It’s that kind of riding that lets her grind her clit on your pubic area. And it’s easier for a woman to orgasm when she has control over the angle and the rhythm of the ride. Encouraging your partner to take her pleasure into her own hands is incredibly sexy and frees you from gender role expectations that can narrow the possibilities for sexual adventure.
The G-Spoon
In the regular spooning position, you are nestled like spoons, both on your same side, facing the same direction. In the G-Spoon, you’ll still be behind your partner, penetrating her while on your sides, but instead of your heads and toes being in alignment with hers, you’ll be in a traditional big spoon position, but she’ll be reversed, and folded at the hips in an L shape, so her heels will be near your face. You can hold onto her thighs for leverage. If you are on your right side, she’ll be on her left. This is a great angle to hit the G-spot.
Release the Kraken Technique (Squirting via Anal)
Before you try this, make sure you have a certain level of mastery over the other techniques in this blog, a good understanding of anatomy, and a solid level of comfort and communication with your partner.
This is an extension of my “signature move.” The principle is exactly the same, but instead of inserting your fingers into the vagina, you insert your fingers into the anus. You’re aiming to stimulate all the nerves of the G-spot, vagina, and anus altogether. If you do this right, you can induce squirting because it will also stimulate the urethral sponge.
If your partner likes this so far and you feel she’d enjoy some more intense sensations, I have a move I jokingly call “release the Kraken.” To do this successfully, you’ll need a partner who is willing to fully trust and surrender to her own bodily functions, because this technique—and the pleasure and orgasm it produces— causes a lot of involuntary gaping and contractions anally and vaginally. When done correctly, it will cause her pelvic floor to push and pull in ways that are beyond her conscious control. If you’ve been holding a fart in all day, it’s bound to come out. I highly recommend an enema beforehand if you’re not into scat play or super comfortable with your own or your partner’s poop.
To do this, your partner should be in doggy style, and your fingers will be inserted as deeply as they can go. You should already be stimulating her, and she should be on the verge of cuming. A vibrator on the clit works well with this trick. When she’s about to cum, straighten your arm and move your hand up and down at a forty-five-degree angle as fast as you can. Speed and pressure are key. Done right, all the involuntary pelvic floor contractions this causes, from gaping to strong squeezes in, feel absolutely amazing, and the pleasure will radiate all the way through her body, via visceral nerve fibers. This also induces a deep feeling of surrender to both her own body and to the person facilitating the experience. For people that like kink play, this provides the same feeling of intense sensation and intense intimacy.
The Splashing Finish (Squirting Orgasms)
While squirting doesn’t mean that she’s had an orgasm, it is totally possible to orgasm and squirt simultaneously.
In a 2023 study with a nationally-representative sample of 3,000 U.S. female participants, 17% reported that squirting is never an orgasm for them, 35% say it is sometimes accompanied by an orgasm, 28% say it is often accompanied by one, and 20% report that squirting always comes with an orgasm for them.
If you are interested in a splashing finish, try this protocol: she can either masturbate, or you can stimulate her in the most reliable way for her to cum. After edging a few times – getting very close to cuming but not letting her cum – switch to the come hither technique, and encourage her to bear down. She may squirt and orgasm at the same time.
Is Squirting the Pinnacle of Sexual Achievement?
In my quest to figure out how to make each of my partners squirt, I was elevating one particular sex act above the others. But squirting is not the pinnacle of sexual achievement—in fact, for some people it’s more like a party trick. What matters is not the objective outcome of my partner ejaculating all over the sheets; it’s her subjective experience of pleasure.
For some people, squirting is as arousing as the doctor testing your reflexes by tapping the correct spot on your knee. The secret ingredient is eroticism. Otherwise, squirting is just a mechanical sexual function. Sometimes you masturbate just to get off, or as a sleep aid, and it isn’t especially pleasurable. The joy of squirting comes when it is interwoven with arousal and the erotic. So if you want it to be a beyond-satisfying experience, you must go beyond squirting as a party trick and engage her mind and emotions.
As I mentioned before, you don’t want to be a one-trick pony! You can master an array of skills and develop an extensive erotic menu through my course, Beyond Satisfied Pro.
Conclusion
Squirting has been popularized by porn – so much so that it has its own genre. But the porn out there tends to make squirting look like a party trick, and people can confuse that with glory, like: achievement unlocked.
There’s no doubt that squirting has a certain wow factor, but in my opinion, it has been over-glorified. As a consequence, some men get attached to it as an ego-driven accomplishment, like I used to. “I made her squirt.” And some women feel like there’s something wrong with them if they don’t do it. The worst part of that is that squirting can become performative, rather than pleasurable.
On the other hand, there are plenty of articles out there saying that squirting is just pee. It even got a mention in Joe Rogan’s 2024 Netflix special. Unfortunately, that creates more shame around squirting, which is a totally natural sexual response. Why does squirting get more shit than anal? Plenty of people love anal sex and they risk shit every single time. But if you ask people whether they’d rather be shit on or peed on, I think the answer is obvious! Personally, I’d rather get rained on any day.
Look, this sexual function is pretty common. More than half of people with vulvas experience female ejaculation and/or squirting. Ultimately, what really matters is if the individual enjoys it. If they don’t, that’s okay, let’s not over-glorify it. If they do, great! Let’s remove the shame and stigma around it.
In that nationally representative 2023 study of over 3,000 women in the United States, 60% reported squirting as pleasurable to some extent. On the other hand, 14% didn’t find squirting pleasurable at all12Hensel, D. J., Von Hippel, C. D., Lapage, C. C., & Perkins, R. H. (2023). Vaginal Squirting: Experiences, Discoveries, and Strategies in a U.S. Probability Sample of Women Ages 18-93. The Journal of Sex Research, 1–11. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2023.2243939.
Our squirting survey participants6Zhana Vrangalova and Kenneth Play, “Squirting Research Project,” https://squirtingsurvey.com. were more likely to report that they enjoyed – liked or loved – squirting (though to some extent, this may be a reflection of the fact that they self-selected into a squirting survey). Some of our participants, though, reported hating it (12%) and others were indifferent about it (9%). When asked about shame, 23% shared that they had some in relation to their squirting. The range of responses run the gamut.
So, just like with any sex act, the experience really depends on whether you (and your partner!) are into it or not.
The sensations we feel during sex are only part of what turns us on and brings us pleasure. The other part is the erotic narratives that play through our minds during sex. Erotic context is the meaning we place on the experience.
Since our enjoyment of sex is hugely influenced by erotic context, two people can have very different responses to the exact same activity. Take spanking: a smack on the ass could be highly erotic for a partner who wants to play with a fantasy of being a naughty, dirty girl, while another woman could find it super hot to be a goddess worthy of worship, who would never allow a man to bend her over his knee or hit her.
The erotic context stems from the relationship that you and your partner have with that activity.
In terms of squirting, if the context is filled with pressure to get a certain result, like a fountain show, or if the context is filled with shame and stigma, such as a fear of destroying mattresses or embarrassment about peeing on your partner, that can derail the whole thing.
I hope this article will help you celebrate squirting, if it’s what you’re into, and offer you practical tools and techniques for how to experience it. Since sex education gets censored on the internet, it’s hard to get this information out to the people who want it. So if you’ve found any of this information useful, help me spread it by sharing this article with your friends and lovers!
Sources
is an internationally-recognized sexpert focused on female pleasure, sexual performance, & rapid skill acquisition. Named the “World’s Greatest Sex Hacker” by GQ, his pleasure technique videos have been viewed over 16M times. He is the Author of "Beyond Satisfied," and his uncensored video course, designed to teach men how to please women, is endorsed by sex educators, therapists, and women worldwide.
