Sexual communication is about more than just arousal and preferences — sometimes it’s also about the climax experience. Alex Manley and I recently talked about this often overlooked topic for Ask Men’s article Ejaculation Etiquette: Where to Cum and What to Do After.
Now, of course, if you’re using a condom with your sexual partner, this may not be a conversation at all because you’ll most likely ejaculate into that well-contained latex sleeve. But if you and your partner are fluid bonded (a term for partners that don’t use barriers during sexual activities or ones that might exchange bodily fluids), you should probably discuss what the plan is for that moment of climax. In other words, where is it okay to ejaculate? What should clean up look like? Is this something you both want?
To quote Alex,
“Those might seem like trivial questions when you’re feeling horny, but given the possibility that your semen could give someone an STI or get someone pregnant, they’re actually pretty important. To make sure everyone’s happy, healthy, and not accidentally with child, here are [some] rules of cum, if you will to abide by.”
The full article contains four great rules and tips to go by, and a lot of them have to do with communication and consent. This can be as specific as asking where your partner would find it hot for you to cum, or as general as checking in about safer sex precautions. Check out the full article here, but here’s a sneak peak of one of my rules:
““It may seem obvious to some, but never ever ejaculate inside your partner’s vagina without a condom without communicating this ahead of time!” says sex expert Kenneth Play. “Besides being pretty rude, it also ignores STI prevention, pregnancy prevention, and your partner’s consent — all immensely serious issues.””
And as Alex so aptly points out, “even if your partner can’t get pregnant or is highly unlikely to — like, say, you’re having sex with a man, a trans woman, someone who’s undergone a hysterectomy, or a woman with an IUD or who’s taking hormonal birth control — that doesn’t give you permission to ejaculate inside them without warning.” So true! Consent is crucial always, but particularly with something as personal as ejaculation.
Overall this article is great, highlighting a topic we don’t often discuss. Ejaculation deserves the same care to communication and etiquette as any other sexual activity. As I said in the article, it comes down to the simple fact that you should
“Always communicate desires ahead of time as a default, because this shows that you care about your partner, their experiences, and their desires.”
Check out the full article Ejaculation Etiquette: Where to Cum and What to Do After on AskMen!