Disrupting Sex Education

Whoa. It was amazing to watch this clip of The View talking about my sex coaching, and to hear Ken Jeong mention me by name!

But one thing that the segment made clear to me: There’s a huge difference between what people think I do and what I actually do.

Sex education in American schools is lacking compared to other developed countries. Debates about comprehensive sex ed versus abstinence-only sex ed have been raging, despite the fact that most studies agree that abstinence-only sex education has not been effective in preventing teen pregnancy. Even more frighteningly, only 13 states require that sex education be medically accurate.

Think back to the sex education you had in school (if you had any). Even the best sex education classes in schools have their limitations, because those classes are mostly focused on avoiding STIs and pregnancy, while leaving out how to have the sex life you want. These classes are age-appropriate, but most people don’t seek out more sex ed when they reach adulthood. If anything, they seek out new techniques from porn, which is notoriously focused on male pleasure, leaving female pleasure behind.

That’s what I’m talking about when I say I want to make sex ed as accessible as porn. There’s a need for a shift in what we think of as sex education. There is a need for sex education that happens in the bedroom, and sexologists and sex therapists cannot do this work because they would lose their license.

That’s where I come in!

There’s a huge orgasm gap in our society. The complete lack of education on the clitoris, especially the internal structure, leaves many people woefully uninformed about female anatomy. While connection and intimacy are vital parts of arousal for most people, increasing our cliteracy can go a long way towards closing the orgasm gap. I truly believe that the future of sex education focuses on female pleasure.

One thing I see in this piece on the View (and in this piece on Pix11, and even in this Seth Meyers bit) is how the male ego can get in the way of this type of learning. The men and women talking about my sex coaching in these clips are shocked at the idea of having another man in the room while a straight couple is having sex. Although it’s disheartening to hear my work described as “gross” or “perverted,” I totally understand that reaction. If you’ve never considered having someone teach you sex skills before, it can be a shocking idea. We have this idea that men should already know how to please a woman, instead of needing to learn these techniques. We shame the men who want to learn rather than celebrate them. And who gets the short end of the stick? Their partners. That’s one of the main reasons we’re left with the orgasm gap.

My goal is to challenge all that. That’s why my business partner, Dr. Zhana, and I, are working hard to create research-backed content that focuses on female pleasure. My PlayLab style has proven to be an effective sex education model in our small, sex-positive community. My goal is to bring that to the mainstream, to remove the stigma on sex education, and to celebrate people who want help improving their sex lives. I think that’s the path to closing the orgasm gap.

I will continue to push for education centered around female pleasure, and hope that one day it won’t just be a “hot topic” in mainstream media, but will be supported by it as well.

If you stand for sex education and closing the orgasm gap, please share this blog post!