Men’s Health talked with me about how I became Kenneth Play: Sex Hacker, in their newest article. It covers my career journey, how I came to teach sex skills, and shows how my personal transformation influenced my teaching style.
Growing up as an awkward Asian immigrant with an average sized cock meant that I never expected to have the life I do now. In fact, I was pretty sure I would never even get laid when I was a teenager. Even when I finally had sex in my 20s I assumed I’d be at the s0-so level for life. There were no porn stars who looked like me, and even when I got crazy fit I still didn’t think I had game.
As Men’s Health outlines, though, I was still a super sexual guy — I wanted to have more and better sex, I just didn’t know how. When a girlfriend brought me to my first sex party, a door to a brand new world opened. And I didn’t just meet people as sexual as me — I met people who were skilled. I (respectfully) asked about everything that was new to me, I asked all the questions. As Men’s Health author Grant Stoddard describes, from the first time I asked a couple to share their skills:
Female ejaculation was the “that” that Play wanted to be shown how to do. And shown he was. Then, in time, the pupil became the master. Kenneth Play discovered he had hacked great sex.
I was blown away by the knowledge and experience in the sex party community. I started reading sex research, skimming the science for the tangible information. I devoured everything I could learn about sex, nerding out about the thing I had felt the most self-conscious about. And from all of those questions and research I began to realize the big secret to sexual swagger.
The secret? Competence and consideration.
I had spent so many years of low genital self-esteem thinking that I could never get better at sex because of the cock I was born with. And then after a few years of being in the sex-positive community I realized it wasn’t what I was born with that mattered at all. It was what I was willing to learn, both in skills and about my lovers.
With that epiphany dramatically shifting my mindset, I was also able to realize the best way to learn about sex…
“The fitness industry—my industry—was predicated on people being shown how to do something by someone with demonstrable know-how,” he says. “At that moment, it occurred to me that sex could—and should—be taught the same way.”
I decided to radically transform sex ed the way I had radically transformed my sex life, based on the way I had radically transformed my body. Tim Ferris’s 80/20 rule mixed with some Bruce Lee philosophy came together in my sex hacking methodology. And from that the rest is history (a very fun, sexy history).
If you wanna read about my full transformation story and how I created the love life I have today, check out the Men’s Health article! I hope it changes how you think about your own sex life and the possibilities you have!