Mindfulness Hack to Overcome Performance Anxiety: Sensate Focus

During this pandemic I know a lot of you are feeling stressed. Here’s my care package just for you, featuring a proven mindfulness sex hack to help you manage your anxiety and practice self-care.

As many of us quarantine, it can be an amazing time to reconnect with our romantic partners who are isolating with us. Endless time to communicate, unearth unexplored desires, lots of date nights in, etc. But if you suffer from performance anxiety or struggle with receiving touch, all this time together may be a sore reminder of your challenges. All of this got me thinking that it would be the perfect time to share one of my favorite mindfulness sex hacks: Sensate Focus.

I first learned about the art of Sensate Focus as a somatic body worker and then read the practice itself from Masters & Johnson. This exercise moves beyond just touch into a mindfulness practice, as well as tapping into the Taking and Allowing sides of the Wheel of Consent. It can be a way to move past anxiety around touch or expectations of performance, and re-awaken your arousal.

Think about Sensate Focus re-awakening your arousal like a better bed-time routine making you sleepy. Sleepiness is already in you, as humans we will want sleep, you just need to practice good habits to encourage your sleepiness when it’s bedtime. Sensate Focus is the good habit that encourages your arousal, which as humans we all have in us, by creating a safe and pressure-free space to experience pleasure.

I’ve just uploaded a video guide to Sensate Focus on my Youtube channel! I invite you to join me as I explain the practice and explore it with my fiance Karen.


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Obstacles such as performance anxiety or difficulty receiving touch often manifest as an inability to be present in the moment of pleasure, spiraling negative self-talk, and thus a lack of arousal that may keep the cycle going. You want to feel aroused, you start getting anxious about “what if I can’t get aroused?”, then your anxiety prevents you from becoming aroused, and the whole cycle forms a loop. Practicing mindfulness, especially in an exercise like Sensate Focus which specifically does not focus on arousal, can radically change this cycle and keep you present in your body. If you explore touch in a lower stakes environment, with no pressure to perform or respond a certain way, you can re-connect to the pleasure of touch in and of itself.

I really believe that Sensate Focus can help us re-learn how to be in the moment during intimacy, to tap into our own pleasure, reconnect with ourselves & our lovers, and overcome the obstacles we create for ourselves through expectation. It’s an exercise to reset your receptivity, helping you let go of stress and get back into your body, which is so useful during these trying times.

The video above covers some of this, but I also have put together a FREE pdf download that gives you all the steps, context, and benefits — for a full breakdown of Sensate Focus head to kennethplay.com/sensate for your free guide download!

What’s in the Guide?
A resource guide to perfectly complement my Sensate Focus video, walking you through the most popular mindfulness exercise to take your love life to new levels of connection!

You’ll learn:

  • the simple steps to practice Sensate Focus
  • how to use this mindfulness hack to overcome performance anxiety
  • why touch is important as the Taker, Allower, Giver, & Receiver
  • how to up your communication game
  • why touch without expectations is the number 1 arousal move you need
  • and more!

I hope you’ll take advantage of the FREE download and  the above video on my Youtube channel to learn the practice of Sensate Focus for yourself. Reconnect with your lover during this tough time, and work on overcoming your challenges together.

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